"The first family of Minnesota Blogging" - Mitch Berg, Shot in the Dark

Illuminating fun, faith,
family and foolishness.

“I have no doubt, none at all, that we are
in the midst of a global warming, or,
as I prefer to call it, spring.”

- Dick Cheney

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

My heart is in the Highlands
After an overnight in Carlisle we set out for Scotland on Saturday morning, crossing the border by following the A7 Historic Route to Edinburgh. Shortly thereafter we stopped at a wayside to read a plaque and let the girls skip stones across a fast-flowing stream. We wound our way toward Edinburgh, watching sheep dogs work their flocks into shape and admiring the scenery. We only gave the city itself a few glances as we crossed the Forth Road Bridge over the Firth of Forth because we were headed to St. Andrews and, ultimately, a bed in Inverness that night.

I’d been to St. Andrews before, on a cold blustery day 30 years ago and had virtually had the town to myself. I had walked the 17th and 18th holes of the Old Course and visited the ruins of the old town’s castle and original cathedral. I had stood on a cliff overlooking the North Sea has the waves pounded the rocks below and the wind chapped my face before I returned to my senses and realized I had been standing there for 40 minutes, hypnotized. This day, however, was a “soft” day, sunny, cool and, of course, windy. The occasional shower blew over us as we parked at the Old Course and walked up the 18th hole, and then turned toward the castle and the sea to retrace the steps I had made so long ago, this time able to show the sights to my children.

We left St. Andrews at 6 p.m. and made for Inverness, climbing and turning through the Highlands where the low clouds coddled the tops of the hills and the rain came more steadily. Finally we descended into the valley to Inverness, the sky still light at 9 p.m., making the greens of the hills and the grays of the town appear even richer in the gloaming.

Over the next couple of days we would visit Loch Ness (where one canny Scot, a bagpiper, had positioned himself in full regalia at one of the most scenic overlooks to play his pipes and pose for pictures - and accept tips), Urquhart Castle, and enjoy the rugged beauty of Inverness before venturing south again to Stirling Castle, built by another Stewart – James V, for his queen, Mary Guise. Nice place.





Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Land of the 10:45 sun
Our last night in Inverness the whole family went on a “haunted” ghost tour of the old part of the city. It was an interesting and often funny diversion and the tour concluded with the group at a pub for our promised free drink included in the package. It turned out that a couple of big names in Scottish folk music were going to be playing at the pub that night, and our host offered the group half-price cover charges if any wanted to stay for the performance. The Mall Diva and I decided to hang around, and it was a very good show.

It ended about 10:45 and we walked out into the streets; streets that still looked as if it were merely twilight and not nigh onto midnight. That’s part and parcel of being this far north, but it was still an unusual experience. Rather than heading directly back to our lodgings, I made the Diva come with me a short distance to where we could overlook the Caledonian Canal as it bisects the city.

It was a special sight. The water of the canal was inky black and glistening with a gelatinous texture, while the stone buildings flanking the canal were shades of gray with small bursts of yellow light from the lights by their doors. Overhead the sky was still a light gray behind almost black clouds, except for a smear of purple-blue behind the finger-nail sliver of moon.

It was evocative and more memorable in the same way that some black and white photos are more powerful than full color.
Driving in England
I thought driving in Italy would be the biggest challenge because of the reputation of Italian drivers and due to the language barrier, but in fact we picked it pretty well. We were greatly encouraged by the time we returned to England and picked up our rental car. Sure, there was that whole driving on the wrong side thingy but we figured we could get used to that quickly and, if we ever got lost, we could easily ask for directions.

The truth is, I hate driving in England, and it’s not because I still find myself walking to the wrong side of the car. In Italy, as I’ve already described, everything was wide open and you pursued your course without worrying too much about the other guy yet somehow it worked and everyone got where they were going; kind of like capitalism in a way. Driving in England is a perfect model for socialism where the goal is to make everyone equally miserable. There are more rules, more signs forbidding you from turning here or entering there, and everywhere there are signs noting that your speed and driving behavior are being recorded by police cameras. Much like the red-light cameras that have been tested in Minneapolis, “invisible” police may be taking your photo, noting your license plate and sending you a fine via the mail. It will be interesting to see if we’ve been tagged when we get home. Additionally, you are also informed that your license plate is being filmed when you buy gasoline, or “petrol.” The reason, it is explained, is to stop drive off thefts, but it makes you wonder about the whole “Big Brother” thing – cameras are watching you drive, watching you fill up – there is certainly a suggestive potential to this degree of monitoring that has to make you a little uneasy (of course, they can find out almost the same thing by tracking your credit card usage). To top it off, the nanny state mentality is further reinforced by signs regularly along the motorways urging drivers to take a break and rest so they can be fresh and avoid accidents. These were quaint the first couple of times I saw them, but they are everywhere and it long ago became annoying.

If they were really serious about avoiding accidents, then why don’t they get out there and cut the tree branches away from their roundabout signs? I can’t tell you how many times we’ve been trying to find a place, or trying to follow the arrows to be sure we get off on the right exit, only to have half the word of our destination covered up by foliage. Again, this happens all too often to be amusing. Is the brush-cutting union on strike?

The biggest frustration, however, is how long it takes to get anywhere. All of our trips so far have taken at least 50% longer than we expected looking at the mileage and the type of road we were going to be traveling on. The most bizarre example was a few days ago when we were trying to drive from the Cotswalds in the west to Carlisle, which is near the Scottish border. We had three lane motorway all the way, first the M5 and then the M6. The speed limit on the motorway is 70 mph, but this is largely theoretical. I have never been on a three lane highway before where you frequently come to a complete stop. And not just every now and then; repeatedly about every two miles we’d be forced to slow down for the “queues” as other roads fed into the motorway, backing things up to a standstill. Sheer torture, as the hours slip by and the miles don’t. And if you’re hungry or need gas or even just a toilet, good luck; you can’t expect to find these services at just about any highway exit ramp (especially exits for towns) like you can in the States. Your only chance for these things (and to have a reasonable chance of being able to get back on your original motorway) is to exit at a turn-off listed as having “Services.” Trouble is, because these are so few and far between, they’re always jammed with other motorists, queuing up for gas for the bathroom, for crisps and finally, maddeningly, to get back onto the motorway. I swear, the English would stand in line at an orgy.

So why are all these people on the road, anyway? Doesn’t England have a great public transportation system? How about all those trains? When I was here in ’79 I got around quite easily by train and it opened my eyes that maybe a pubic transportation system like this could be efficient. Now, however, the roads are crowded because no one can afford to take the trains, and no one has the time to trust the bus service. Some economists can probably give you a better explanation than I for the cost of the train service, but there’s no way we could have afforded to move my whole family around by train, even with the high prices for gasoline.

Finally, let me say this: the language “advantage” compared to driving in, say, Italy, is overrated. Just as we often found ourselves in sight of where we wanted to go but unable to get there because of the traffic signs and signals, we have also concluded that just because you know a language doesn’t mean you can understand it.
Bi-lingual
As we checked out of our lodgings at Fattoria il Lago, my new good friend Francesco and I were talking about the number of languages he has had to learn how to get by in while running an agriturism business, and of our common failure in each of us having once tried to learn to learn German in our lives. Francesco told me, “You should learn to speak Italian, John, it is the most beautiful of the languages.”

I told him, “Francesco, I can speak Italian,” and to demonstrate I started waving my hands and arms in the air. He laughed and said, “You do speak Italian!”

One of our guidebooks said that you can get by easily in Europe speaking only English because most of the people you encounter speak it at least somewhat and love the opportunity to practice. According to Francesco, however, this isn’t the case in Italy where the schools don’t promote languages other than the native tongue. He said in the big cities you can run into more Italians who speak English, and with people heavily involved in tourism. This has pretty much been my experience as we found few people in rural Dicomano and in other places who spoke English. Nevertheless, we were able to get along pretty well.

For one thing, we picked up new words quickly, and it is also a big advantage that Italian is based on Latin so that we could frequently figure things out by recognizing Latin roots for words and, applying a little context. There is some satisfaction in making yourself understood in another country; you feel very cosmopolitan and begin to think you can survive anywhere. Of course, drop me in the middle of Poland, where the only word I know is kielbasa, and it would be a different story.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Posting backlog
Internet access has been problematic, and time has been short. Everything seems to take much longer to accomplish than you expect (even adjusting for experience), especially when traveling as a family.

Oh well, lots to tell but no time right now as someone else is looking over my shoulder and wants to use this terminal in 7 minutes. I have more updates on our trips to the Cinque Terre, the Cotswalds, and most recently, bonny Scotland. We're in Inverness now, and heading south for Falkirk today. Hoping for better luck finding access for there is much to show and tell.

Nessie remains elusive, but we have lots of other photos and anecdotes of our travels, including taking a tour with a ghost last night and taking in an excellent Celtic music duo. More soon!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Driving in Italy
We survived our week of renting a car and driving in Italy. Italian drivers don’t seem any worse than the ones I’ve encountered in Minnesota and they don’t drive any faster and crazier than the drivers I’ve experienced in and around Atlanta.

Italians do drive a bit more aggressively in that they’ll fit their cars into any space big enough to hold them, and since most of the cars are, in fact, about the size of a golf cart they can get these into some pretty small places. Give an Italian an inch and he’ll park in it. Show the slightest hesitation and you can expect three or four cars to jump in front of you. The funny thing is, this doesn’t bother me the way it would at home. If someone crowded me on Hennepin Avenue or Robert St. it would be downright rude and it might draw a rude response. Here that’s just the way everybody does it – and the weird thing is that there isn’t any road rage. Not only that, we saw just one accident (a minor one) in the time we were here. Maybe if your expectation is for others to follow proper driving etiquette at all times you are more apt to be offended when that expectation isn’t met. If the prevailing “etiquette” is that everyone is going to take (or make) the most direct path to their destination it somehow works out. In a way it’s kind of like walking in a crowd. When we’re walking we move diagonally, sidestep, shuffle and adjust course or “change lanes” often, scarcely giving a thought to those behind or even beside you. That’s how Italian driving works. I know it sounds counter-intuitive for an orderly system, but the thing is, it works. About the only rule is: don’t get in the way.



Yes, this is a real car. They're everywhere over here. So, which of the two in this picture is cuter?

Don’t clog the left lane on the autostrada, and if someone flashes his lights behind you, you move over (you definitely don’t flip him off or go even slower). The great thing is, this works in your favor as well when you need to get around someone.

A big advantage in driving in Italy is that they drive on the same side of the road as we do. The disadvantage is in not knowing the language. The road signs and other basics are pretty simple, but it is disconcerting when you see signs that have your destination on them, followed by a lot of other words that you don’t understand. I mean, it must be something important to know, or else they wouldn’t have put the sign up – but what does it mean?

Does it say, “Closed for resurfacing 12 kilometers ahead” or “No passing on Tuesdays” or, maybe, “You just think you’re on the A12”?

Oh well, Italy wasn’t nearly as scary as we thought it would be. Now it’s on to a car rental in England, where the language is at least the same (or close), but they drive on the other side of the road.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Photographic update
The Mall Diva hogged the laptop tonight so she could write her post and I’ve used a lot of my time to download, edit and format some photos from the past few days so that they’ll be more blog-friendly. I’ve got some more thoughts on Italy, the Cinque Terre and my impressions (not so favorable) of Florence and Pisa, but those will have to wait. We’re leaving Italy on the 24th to return to England and I’m hoping I’ll find internet access at the airport in Torino while we wait for our flight. I should have better internet access while in England and hope to post more regularly once we get there. In the meantime, here are some photos from the past few days.


More to come as soon as I can get reliable access to the Internet.
On Holiday!
Tuesday. Hello everyone! Today is our last day in Italy, and it is the only one that has been rainy. It’s been so warm and sunny I’ve even gotten a tan, which you will never see because tomorrow we’re leaving for Scotland, and then Ireland, where we won’t be in the sun much and my tan will promptly fade.

I’ve got some bad news and some good news. The bad news is that the sweater I brought along and a jacket of Tiger Lilly’s got jacked when we were in Firenze (Florence). I was extremely P.O.’d. (Someone left a back window on the car half open, and the extra clothing on the back shelf, and someone else came along and snatched them). The good news is that so far I’ve bought a shirt and two (count ‘em, two!) pairs of shoes. They are pretty sweet, yo, but they won’t keep me warm in Scotland, so I am sad.



Here I am bargaining with a street vendor in Florence. He wanted 40 euros for a plastic purse! I didn’t get ripped off here, but meanwhile someone was stealing my favorite sweater! (By the way, those are my new shoes in the big bag. Aren’t they cute?)

Yesterday and today we checked out the Cinque Terre (the Five Lands), which are actually just five little towns that are all connected along the coast. They are all super cute with windy roads and buildings pretty much leaning on each other and laundry hanging out of the windows to dry. All of the buildings were very neat and tidy considering how many - and how compacted - they were. Pink houses are really popular over here, and my mom says she wants one.



Some cool people hanging out in Riomaggiore, one of the five lands.



Some steps (and laundry) in Riomaggiore.



No high heels? What’s up with that? You can walk between the five lands, though some of it’s a tough hike. We just walked the easy, 30-minute part (the Via Dell’Amore) between Manorola and Riomaggiore.

Oh! My dad just reminded me! I have to tell you what I ate the other day in a ristorante just outside Barberino: a mussel. I kid you not. My dad will even tell you. It was small and wrinkly and orange. Its insides were brownish, though. My dad plopped it on my plate and said ‘here, try this; it’s good’. You have got to be kidding me. I looked at it, and the more I looked at it, the less I felt like putting it in my mouth. Finally, before I knew it, I had picked it up and shoved it in my mouth, much to my surprise. You know, it’s not really the taste of things that gets to me as much as the texture. The mussel was slimy, and not at all bouncy like calamari (which I like) is. It wasn’t a good slimy like Jell-o, either. It was more of a “what-the-heck-am-I-eating” slimy. It tasted like crab, though, which I also like. Try some today!

And then two days ago we were eating at another restaurant and ordered a dish of mixed roasted meats. My dad starts slicing some of the meat and holds out a chunk of something mysterious and asks me if I want it. It looks a little shady, but hey, when in Rome…or Dicomano, you know…

Anyway, I take a bite and start chewing. It’s all grainy, and I can’t think of what it tastes like. My dad has also taken a bite when my mom asks a fateful question: “Is that organ meat?”

I stop chewing and look fearfully at my father. He nods. I throw up. Just kidding! I only almost throw up. Instead I spit it out and scrape off my tongue. I’m never eating anything he gives me again, unless it’s gelato.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Under the Tuscan sun
Boun giorno from an Internet cafe in Firenza, or Florence as we know it. The past few days have been filled with adventure and sightseeing (and food stories, Good Name) but I haven't written much about food yet. Instead, below you will find thoughts from our time here. There should be four different posts within this one, each "hidden" after the title. Click on the title to reveal the text and photos for that section. "Hide" at the end of the section and go on to the next, or not, as you wish.













We will finally depart from Fattoria il Lago tomorrow, Monday morning. Our plan is to head for the famous "Cinque Terre", or "five lands" that cling to the cliffs overlooking the coast near Genova. We are to return to London on the 24th, but will be there only long enough to pick up a couple of new stamps on our passports and a rental car.

Today we'll soak up some more sun in Firenze (and we already have a story to tell about this).

Friday, May 19, 2006

Selling everything; moving to Tuscany
I have not had internet access since we left London, but that does not mean I have not written anything. My host, Francesco, has allowed me access to his computer to upload something I wrote yesterday, but my wife just drove off with the jump drive I had stored it on. I will get this up eventually; it is a dramatic story of unexpected challenges and blessings that somehow ended up with us driving a new Mercedes and staying in a three bedroom apartment - at the same prices as the compact car and two room apartment I had reserved.

Today we drove from Dicomano nearly to Forli just for the fun of it. Florence, Siena and Pisa are all nearby but the big city doesn't appeal to us as much as the Tuscan countryside. The road we took today was two-lane and very twisty and hilly, full of S-turns, W-turns, XYZ-turns, you name it. We saw some fabulous little towns and voluptous hills and the ruins of an old castle. More details and photos to follow when I have more time - and when my jump-drive isn't shopping in the piazza.

In the meantime, if anyone wants to make me an offer on a nice three-bedroom home with a large yard in a St. Paul, MN suburb, I'm interested. If you throw in an Italian phrase book I may even cut you a nice deal.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

London: Not all pigeons are unwelcome
Refreshed after a mostly solid night's sleep we returned to central London to pick up where we left off the day before. We passed through Trafalgar Square again on our way to Buckingham Palace. Upon entering the square this time my eyes were immediately drawn to a large bird sitting on a stand about four feet off of the ground in the center of the square. Too big to be a raven, definitely not a pigeon, could it be ... "God save the Queen, it's a hawk!" Noticing the jesses and bells on its legs I knew this bird wasn't a tourist on its way to catch the changing of the guard. Rather, it was the changing of a guard in it's own right. Just as I started to jest to my family, "I guess that keeps the pigeon population down" it hit me: it really does keep the pigeon population down. Looking around I quickly spotted the bird's trainer, and we went over for a chat.

The City of London does employ live falcons — in this case, a Harris Falcon — to keep the pigeons out of Trafalgar (nearer to Parliament they've electrified the statue of Winston Churchill to keep the birds off). While we were there the Harris was fed by his trainer and didn't actually have to swoop on any pigeons — mainly because there wasn't one in sight. For action, then, the trainer kept sending the Harris off and then sneaking himself behind the Mall Diva before silently signalling the bird to return. The result was the bird would fly directly at her head before lifting just enough to land on the trainer's glove. The fellow indicated it was because she had such a sweet smile. Or did he say, "shriek"? No, I'm pretty sure it was smile.

Of course, not all pigeons are unwelcome. We've been feeling especially plucked since our arrival and the fact that pounds seem to melt away by the second here; unfortunately this has nothing to do with reducing my robust frame. When I was here in '79 the exchange rae was about the same, but somehow things didn't seem that difficult to do on my student budget. Of course, I was paying for just one person then, but my alcohol consumption was much higher. Now it's ₤3 for this, ₤8 for that, and ₤20 or more for just about every attraction. You can basically double the figure to get the dollar conversion, so that a tuna salad sandwich (called a tuna-mayo sandwich) that seems reasonable at first at ₤3.50, suddenly becomes harder to swallow. We knew going in that London was going to be expensive and we'd have to bite the bullet if we were going to do much of anything (we're dropping $40 a day just on Tube passes). We're trying to be wise about things but the girls are already tired of seeing us scratch our heads and do the math everytime they want an ice cream. I don't blame them, because we came here to have fun and do different things. Fortunately, the burn rate for the rest of the trip should be slower (it better be!).

We could have saved some money on dinner tonight by eating at the local KFC or Pizza Hut which had some fairly low prices advertised on their windows — but we don't even eat at these places when we're in Minnesota, so we're not going to do it here. We ended up at an Indian restuarant (one of my wife's favorite cuisines) where we saw a number of dishes that we've never seen on the Indian menus in the Twin Cities — and a few extra levels of heat as well.

We decided against going inside Westminster Cathedral, but did opt for riding The London Eye (mainly because of Tiger Lilly's big, imploring eyes when faced with the chance to ride a 400 foot high ferris wheel). It was worth noting that at the end of the ride, or "flight", security guys entered each pod with long-handled mirrors and checked under the bench and in the overhead portions. As for the ride itself, the view was great but I don't know that I'd do it again. Something I did do again, however, was the Tower of London tour, lead by an actual Beefeater Guard. Tradition is important to the Brits, so it was no surprise to hear our guide repeat the same joke that was told by one of his predecessors in '79 while describing the gate next to the river where prisoners were brought into the Tower; it's called the Water Gate.

The Tower is still fascinating, even when you're just getting a small slice of it's bloody history. It was a dangerous life then for those who were kings (or queens), wanted to be kings (or queens) or were in the line of succession. On top of that, traitors were not suffered (though they were made to suffer). Today's political knife fighting and poisonings almost seem mild by comparison. And yes, we were asked to leave the Tower by one of the blue-suited Beefeaters. True it was closing time, but his request did come just after the Mall Diva recited her Monty Python bit (see her previous post). I didn't even get a chance to take her picture on the battlements!

Another attraction worth checking out is Kew Gardens. We spent nearly the entire day there today, and it is spectacular. We've visited and thoroughly enjoyed the New York Botanical Gardens and the one at Wave Hill outside of New York, but I think Kew is another level above that. The grounds are so invitingly laid out that you just want to plunge in and walk through everything — and the best part is that you can! This is a place that cries out for you to walk barefoot through the grass, and that's just what you can do (and what the Diva and Tiger Lilly did). Not to be missed if you're ever in the vicinity.

Tomorrow we wind up this leg of the trip. We're on our way to an apartment on a working olive farm and winery in Tuscany near Firenze. To commemorate the trip so far I've included some shots of the girls around London. If you want to see lots of pictures of historical things, buy some postcards. If you don't mind shots of my daughters near historical things, click on the highlighted text immediately below. Positioning your cursor over the photo will reveal a caption; in most cases clicking on the photo will enlarge it. The next time you hear from me I hope it will be from Tuscany!


First Impressions
So, we arrived on Sunday around 8:45 a.m. our time, 2:45 a.m. CST. After landing, we didn't rest, but went and saw some sights, like Trafalgar(tra-FAL-grr) Square. I was really too tired to enjoy anything very much except our dinner, which I am proud to say I didn't fall asleep in.

One thing that I have noticed is that everyone here has great jeans. They're the kind that actually fit; even for the guys, they don't sag halfway to their knees.

Have you ever felt like you're being watched? Well, for me, it's not just a feeling. People have been openly staring at us for some reason, and it bugs me. It's not like we look any different.

Anyway, I'm sure you all want to know why we were asked to leave the
Tower of London. It was because it was closing time. We were taking a tour of the tower, and at the end, walked through the Bloody Tower onto Raleigh's Way (which were also the battlements) and I stood on it and looked over and started reciting the lines of the French soldier in Monty Python's Holy Grail. "Don't come back or I will taunt you a second time! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!" Just about the time I got to " you silly Eenglish Knnnn-iggits!" the Yeoman Warder at the end of the battlement said "Alright, everyone time to leave!" I think he was offended.

And now for something completely different! Happy belated birthday to Uncle Benny! Here's your present — a birthday finger-wagging in front of Big Ben!



Here's something of interest for Kevvy-Wevvy, the oldest breech-loading guns in the Tower (can you see me in the picture?):

Monday, May 15, 2006

London: Second star to the right and straight on 'til morning
Eight hours of flying plus a six-hour jump into the future thanks to the time change brought the Reverend Mother, Mall Diva, Tiger Lilly and myself into Gatwick Airport early on Sunday morning. Not much to see from the airplane window but tarmac and other airplanes that could have been in any airport in the world. It certainly smelled like an airport. The captain said it was London, however, and since they already had our money it was best to believe him.

Getting off of the airplane I saw some funny spellings of familiar words, but it only took a few moments before we could make out that most British of institutions: "the Queue". It took us over an hour to make our way down a hall, around a corner and through a long series of turns as we criss-crossed a large room, channeled by black strips of fabric as we awaited our interview with the immigration officer. My carry-on sized wheely bag and one small shoulder tote — what I had thought constituted "traveling light" — soon made me feel like Marley's ghost. Finally we were in front of the person who would let us in or send us back. It was all very reminiscent of the Bridge of Death scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail: "Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, ere the other side he see:"

"What are your names?"

"What is the purpose of your visit?"

"What is your favorite color?"

Aieee!

The flowers in St. James Park were a lot fresher than our little group.


Well, we all got in, but then we had to make two circuits around the baggage claim area because it had taken so long to get there that the videoscreens no longer showed at which carousel our baggage had been dropped. Then it was off to purchase train tickets to get into London, at a counter where the attendant's credit-card reading machine was balky. Finally, though, we were on our way in an overcrowded train car, our bags on and under our laps. Emerging from the station and a tunnel we finally saw this new land to which we had committed ourselves. Gray, a bit grimy, but the rowhouses and architecture were distinctly British.

Arriving at Victoria Station we quickly fortified ourselves with caffeine and started to make plans for the afternoon. Except for some brief intervals of semi-consciousness on the flight some of us had been up for 24 hours by that time but we resisted the urge to find the B&B where we had reservations and crash. We wanted to get on the local schedule so we planned to check our bags for the afternoon and do some sightseeing. Bag-checking, however, runs you 6 quid per bag, with the exchange rate nearly two dollars per pound. Now I know where the British expression, "Oi!" comes from. Another thing we noticed, as we clutched our now-empty paper coffee-cups: no trashcans, or dustbins as they're called here. At first I couldn't believe it, but after steadily surveying the perimeter of the station there was no doubt - and no dustbins. There also wasn't any trash laying around on the ground. Do people eat there trash here? What is the meaning of this mystery?

The answer was soon revealed when we got our first example of the security-consciousness of this country. I met up with a uniformed officer and asked where to find a couple of things, including a dustbin. "Oh, you'll not find any dustbins around here, I imagine," he said. "Security you know."

Ah, culture shift. The lightbulb finally went on in my head: dustbins are just too nifty a place for bad guys to leave bombs, and I'm sure it was a lesson hard-learned. We finally found a place to dispose of our cups and also decided to go to the B&B first thing after all to drop our bags rather than pay the ransom for leaving them. After that we managed a little sight-seeing in central London, including passing by the barracks and parade-ground of the Queens Life Guards. Believe me, no matter how tired you are, it gets your attention when someone wearing a shiny helmet and carrying a sabre steps out from a box and stamps his feet next to you. We also stopped in Trafalgar Square where we found a wonderful public restroom. While we paused there I remembered my previous trips to London back in 1979 when I had spent a semester at nearby Reading University. Then Trafalgar Square had been so full of pigeons that they looked like a moving carpet. Now there was nary a pigeon in sight. How, in a land that recently banned fox hunting, had they dealt with these creatures? This answer, too, would come, but not on this day.

After a few sights we felt as if we'd done all we could, and it was time for supper and, at long last, bed. Returning to the residential neighborhood where we have our room we saw a street lined with ethnic restaurants. Here on our first night in England, what would we have to eat? Fish and chips? Bangers and mash? Yorkshire pudding or Welsh rarebit? No, there was an Italian restaurant, run by a family of real Italians. We went in and the hostess walked us back to our table, the Mall Diva in front of our family. One of the pizza cooks, a young and virile man, noticed her and quickly straightened his shoulders, smiled ever-so-boldy and tried to make eye-contact. Mall Diva was totally unaware of his attention, but that's not to say it went unnoticed. Eye-contact he sought, and eye-contact he received, but from me. His smile went away, and with a Gallic shrug of his shoulders he went back to his pies. Oh yes, I can hardly wait until we get to Tuscany later this week. (The food was great, by the way).

Oh well, it had been a long day and we were literally and figuratively ready to crash. We fell into our beds; in my case 33 hours after I had left my own. Tomorrow we'd take on the city but with a little less grit in our eyes.

Next: More photos, fewer words, the fate of the pigeons, and why we were asked to leave the Tower of London. Or, maybe, something from the Mall Diva.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

A last look at home for awhile
In a few hours the whole family will be setting off on our European adventure. I plan to blog from the road as often as I can, and I've just tested my new digital camera to be sure I can download to the laptop and post to the site. Regular features such as the Challenging Word of the Week and Friday Fundamentals in Film will be on hiatus while we're gone.

I hope to report from London by Monday. In the meantime, here's a shot of the flowering crabapple tree behind our house. Hmmm, the weather looks as if we're already in England!

Friday, May 12, 2006

Best of: Merely a flesh wound

Despite all the problems of our healthcare system, as described yesterday, I still prefer it to the British system where the government decides when you've had enough healthcare and ought to just die. Since I'm leaving for England tomorrow, I hope I don't come down with a light case of persistent vegetative state in the next three weeks.

As was earlier reported:


21st CENTURY BRITISH HEALTHCARE
(Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Scene 2)
CART MASTER: Bring out your dead!
CUSTOMER: Here's one.
CART MASTER: Ninepence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!
CART MASTER: What?
CUSTOMER: Nothing. Here's your ninepence.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!

Terminally Ill Can Be Starved to Death, UK Court Rules
By Nicola Brent, CNSNews.com Correspondent, August 02, 2005(CNSNews.com) - An appeal court has denied a terminally ill British man the assurance that his wish not to be starved to death once he becomes incapacitated will be respected to the end.

Former mailman Leslie Burke, 45, has a progressively degenerative disease that although leaving him fully conscious, will eventually rob him of the ability to swallow and communicate.

He petitioned the High Court last year to ensure that he would not be denied food and water once he was no longer able to articulate his wishes.

CART MASTER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead!
CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.
DEAD PERSON: I'm not!
CART MASTER: He isn't?
CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.
DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better!
CUSTOMER: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.

Burke won that right when judge James Munby ruled that if a patient was mentally competent — or if incapacitated, had made an advance request for treatment — then doctors were bound to provide artificial nutrition or hydration (ANH).

But last May, the General Medical Council (GMC) — the medical licensing authority — took the case to the Appeal Court, arguing that doctors had been placed "in an impossibly difficult position."

The appeal judges have now agreed, overturning the High Court judgment and upholding GMC guidelines on how to treat incapacitated patients.

CART MASTER: Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.
DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go on the cart!
CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.
CART MASTER: I can't take him.
DEAD PERSON: I feel fine!

Those guidelines give doctors the final say in whether a patient should be given life-sustaining "treatment," a term legally defined to include artificial feeding or hydration.

The latest ruling obliges doctors to provide life-prolonging treatment if a terminally ill and mentally competent patient asks for it.

However, once a patient is no longer able to express his or her wishes or is mentally incapacitated, doctors can withdraw treatment, including ANH, if they consider it to be causing suffering or "overly burdensome."

Ultimately, the court said, a patient cannot demand treatment the doctor considers to be "adverse to the patient's clinical needs."

CUSTOMER: Well, do us a favour.
CART MASTER: I can't.
CUSTOMER: Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.
CART MASTER: No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.
CUSTOMER: Well, when's your next round?
CART MASTER: Thursday.
DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk.

Anti-euthanasia campaigner and author Wesley Smith told Cybercast News Service it was important Burke had taken the case to court because "it is now clear that a patient who can communicate desires cannot have food and water withdrawn.

"That is a line in the sand that is helpful."

However, he added, the judgment had "cast aside" those who were mentally incompetent or unable to communicate their wishes — "those who bioethicists call non-persons because of incompetence or incommunicability.

"I believe that the judgment clearly implies that the lives of the competent are worth more than the lives of the incompetent since doctors can decide to end life-sustaining medical care, including ANH," said Smith, a senior fellow at the Discovery Institute and author of Culture of Death: The Assault on Medical Ethics in America.

Burke was quoted as saying in reaction to the ruling that it held "no good news at all" for people who shared his concerns.

In the light of public health service cuts and underfunding, Burke said he was worried about "the decisions that will have to be made" by doctors in the future.

"I have come to realize that there are quite a few people who feel the same way I do," the Yorkshire Post quoted him as saying. "Not everyone wants to be put down. Not everyone wants their life to be ended prematurely."

CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone, you know. (To the Cart Master:)Look. Isn't there something you can do?
DEAD PERSON: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy.
[Cart Master hits him in the head.]

Responding to the court's ruling, the GMC said it should reassure patients.

The council's guidelines made it clear "that patients should never be discriminated against on the grounds of disability," said GMC President Prof. Graeme Catto in a statement.

"We have always said that causing patients to die from starvation and dehydration is absolutely unacceptable practice and unlawful."

A professor of palliative medicine at Cardiff University, Baroness Ilora Finlay, supported the court ruling. "Stopping futile interventions allows natural death to occur peacefully," she argued in a British daily newspaper. "This is not euthanasia by the back door."

But the Disability Rights Commission (DRC) took a different view.

The commission was one of several campaigners, including right-to-life activists and patients' groups, which had strongly supported Munby's earlier ruling.

DRC Chairman Bert Massie expressed the group's dismay at the Appeal Court decision, saying it did nothing to dispel the fears of many disabled people that "some doctors make negative, stereotypical assumptions about their quality of life."

It had also "totally ignored" the rights of those who were unable to express their wishes, he added.

CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.
CART MASTER: Not at all. See you on Thursday.

The Night Writer's vote for the funniest line: "Ultimately, the court said, a patient cannot demand treatment the doctor considers to be 'adverse to the patient's clinical needs.'" You mean, such as, "Please don't starve me to death?"

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Best of: Going to the health store
Tuesday I was shuttling around the Garden State with the complimentary copy of USA Today from my hotel to fill the time between Oldwick and Hoboken. I was thinking something like, "Hmmm, news printed on paper - what a concept!" when I saw an article describing the challenges of trying to introduce competitive, market-driven shopping to our current health care system. I thought it was a particularly profound and insightful article, especially since I had covered the same thing here eight months ago:


Seen any coupons for cardiologists?

“Hello, this is ABC Cardiology. How may I help you?”

“Yeah, I'm looking to have a little work done, and I'm calling around to find out what it costs to see one of your doctors and have a couple of tests?”

“What kind of tests?”

"Oh, you know, EKG, stress test, enzyme test, whatever it is you folks do to figure out if something's wrong with the old ticker.”

“Um, I don't know what that costs. Let me transfer you.”

"Ok.”

"Hello, Coding Department.”

“Yeah, could you please tell me how much a visit with one of your cardiologists costs, and what kind of tests I might expect and how much they cost?”

“Well, I'm not sure I can tell you...”

“Look, it's like this. I'm thinking it might be a good idea to have someone take a look at me, but I have a high deductible health plan so that means I'm paying for most, if not all, of any visit out of my own pocket and I'm just calling around trying to get some prices for a comparison.”

“Well, let's see...a consultation is $334 to $432, depending on the amount of time spent.”

“Yow! Is there anyone in town who charges less?”

“No, that's pretty much the standard Usual, Customary and Reasonable cost accepted by the health plans.”

“So, uh, do you have any coupons or specials this week?”




Wednesday, May 10, 2006

I wish I could catch #715...

I wish I could catch Barry Bonds' 715th homerun ... so I could THROW IT BACK!

Monday, May 8, 2006

Best of: Good thing I have a permanent record

The countdown to leaving the country is winding down and things are being steadily crossed off my list. But first, I have to get out of New Jersey, where I'm currently on a business trip. Things can sure get complicated at times. It almost makes me wish for those simpler, carefree days of high school (right kids?).

Actually, life was plenty complicated for me back then, too. That said, I think things are even tougher for kids today — a point the following post examined last August:

A hard lesson

"This is the beginning of a much more in-depth education program, in which we tell our members why and what Wal-Mart does — not just to small towns, but to workers," said Louise Sundin, president of the Minneapolis Federation of Teachers. (Strib: Twin Cities teachers unions push Wal-Mart boycott)

Honest, Mom, I wasn't doing anything. I was sitting in my American History class and Ms. Wolverton was talking about the founding fathers, and when she got through telling us about the first president — Samuel Gompers of the American Federation of Labor, that is, so you know I was paying attention — she told us to take out our Diversity Journals and write about what it would feel like to be beat up by cops employed by fatcat capitalists and to not have health insurance besides.

So I was opening up my backpack when it slipped - honest! - and everything spilled out on the floor. Well, not everything, because I was able to catch my iPod, you know, and then the Wolf, I mean, Ms. Wolverton points at the floor next to me and says, really mean-like, "What's that?"

Well, I look down and I say, "Nothing Ms. Wolverton, that's just the condoms they gave us in third period today."

"No," she says, "What's that?"

Then I say, "You mean this flyer about what time Tuesday morning we're to catch the school bus to take us to the state capital to protest for higher education spending?"

"No!" she says, and now she's really mad. "That looks like one of the new Trapper Keepers that Wal-Mart is advertising in the newspaper! How dare you bring something like that to school?"

"Hey, it's not mine," I said. "Someone must have stuck that in there just to get me in trouble, probably during Conflict-Resolution class!" Really, Mom, that Billy Swedberg is sooo passive-aggressive.

So anyway, now Ms. Wolverton is all, "shopping at Wal-Mart is the first step to economic servitude, and how buying a Trapper Keeper seems innocent enough now but, like, the next thing you know I'll be listening to talk radio and voting Republican," you know? Then she says something like, "someday when you're working 70 hours a week for $1 you'll wish you'd paid more attention in class." Well, I didn't really know what to say to that, but she gave me the id