“I have no doubt, none at all, that we are
in the midst of a global warming, or,
as I prefer to call it, spring.”

- Dick Cheney

... undt, I tink, that it is chust about time ve had vun!

Music Video Code by Video Code Zone.

I was driving home from the grocery store tonight when I sustained a frontal assault. Driving past the ballfields in West St. Paul I suddenly heard and felt a loud thump just as my vision immediately got very blurry.



There happened to be a guy sitting in the back seat along with the Mall Diva, and I thought at first that maybe Kevin had launched a preemptive strike on the poor boy. Once I pulled over and determined that everyone in the car was alright and that the reason I couldn't see out the windshield was because of a series of concentric circles and cracks right in front of my face, I looked over and noticed several large guys standing in a nearby ballfield, studiously looking in the other direction.

I pulled into the parking lot and drove a ways over to the backstop where a large and rather sheepish looking guy was rubbing his head. "Heckuva poke," I said, with some admiration.

"Thanks."

"Got any insurance?"

"Uh, yeah."

Fortunately he had all of his details with him and I got everything I needed.

I think I'm still going to have him tested for steroids, though.

Here's the bldg. Salem Church has built. It has dorms we're staying in.

Hello from Romania. We arrived safely after about 27 hours of traveling. We slept the first night about 10 to 11 hours. It wasn't enough. The young missionaries have been doing a little training here in country and tonight (Sun.) will run their first Vacation Bible School (VBS) event in two park locations in the city. We have two teams to do VBS, and starting tomorrow morning each team will run VBS twice daily in two different locations. One will be done in the morning, and one in the evening because parents generally will not let their kids out during the afternoon because of heat advisories. This evening we'll see if all their training pays off.

As for myself, I have been busy running errands, doing administrative activities and trying to be helpful wherever I can. I am in the fortunate position of being part of what's going on, but not being directly responsible for any young people. Today I got to do one of my favorite things while in a foreign land, and that is going to the store.

The market, which is family-run stands, is closed today because it's Sunday, but the large department store is open. It’s always fun to see how these things run a little bit differently in different places. Here you have to rent your shopping cart for 50 lei (maybe 29 cents). You put the coin into a device with a coin slot which is attached to the cart itself and then it’s released from its chain. The store is huge, maybe the size of a Super Target and it sells everything from a drill press to women's underwear to food. I had gone in first, without a cart, to scope out where everything was, or so I thought. When I was ready I went to the Information desk (like customer service) and got some change because I didn't have any Romanian coins. I got my cart, looking just like I belonged there, I'm certain. After all, someone mistook me for a Romanian yesterday. I went and gathered up my items, including six big loaves of bread, for our daily PBJs. I got some red paper for one of the VBS projects.

Then I went looking for some personal items. Sunblock: Patience had hers confiscated because she put it into her carry-on luggage, mints, Kleenex. Why can’t I find Kleenex? I decided to ask a woman I saw wearing a store smock. I asked her first if she spoke any English. No such luck. So I acted out blowing my nose and she caught on right away and took me to the correct aisle. An aisle which I had already been down, of course, but the Kleenex weren’t packaged the same as at home and 90% of them aren’t the Kleenex brand.

Its great fun looking at all of the different products and packaging and I could spend a lot of time in here. I also came across an espresso stand so a bought a cup of espresso for less than 50 cents. It was interesting. It came from some kind of automated machine, not an espresso machine. It tasted ok for someone who hadn’t had any coffee in two days.

When I got to the check out I unloaded my items onto the belt, but the woman didn’t start ringing them up. She looked at me and said ‘you must have card’. I motioned to my stuff as if I wanted to leave it there and she indicated that was fine. Back at the information desk I gave them my passport. They made a copy of it and input some info from it into a computer. What in the world is this all about? They gave me a sheet of paper with my name (spelled wrong) and some other information and I gave that to the checkout lady and she rang my stuff up. Then I was stopped by security on the way out so they could match my purchases to my receipts. I know I look pretty suspicious. But at least I got my 50 lei back when I returned my cart.

It’s interesting how they track foreigners. They got my passport info when I exchanged currency earlier, and now they know what I did with some of that money. This is supposedly a ‘free’ country. Well, at least it’s no longer communist.

Ah, the Paris airport in the early morning. Can you tell which one managed to sleep on the airplane?

The Reverend Mother and Tiger Lilly's team rolled out of Garden Valley, Texas on Thursday for a five-hour ride to Houston for the flight to Europe. RM stopped drinking anything the night before the bus-ride; it was a five-hour drive with no bathroom in the bus and no stopping! Friday they caught an overnight flight that laid-over in Paris and then terminated in Budapest, Hungary. After that it was another six-hour bus ride to Oradea, Romania where the team is staying and ministering. I didn't hear if there were toilet facilities in the bus or rest breaks in the trip to Oradea, but RM filed this email to me:

Hello, We made it after only 27 hours of traveling. I slept, last night, for 10 hours. I have been sick with a cold which I think I got from Emmie, one of the Project Directors. We are staying in a building built by the church. It has dorm rooms that sleep four. We are the first people to sleep in the beds because it's brand new. The bldg. has a kitchen, an auditorium, the pastor's offices and lots of other rooms, the purposes of which I don't know, and maybe they don't either, yet.

The travel was fairly uneventful, which is good. David, the other Project Director told us his favorite part is taking the groups through the airport because of the logistics and problem solving challenges. I'm fairly certain he's been in the military, because of the way he runs things. He looks like ex-military too.

While we were waiting in the Houston airport he told us stories from some of the trips he's been on. For instance, on a trip to Albania, a girl had half of her hand cut off and he had to go to amazing lengths to get her the appropriate medical care within 24 hours so her hand could be saved. They managed it. Emmie told me those were the early trips and every time something happened GE would make a new rule to prevent things like that in the future. They do seem to have a lot of rules, but now I know why.

Global Expeditions is a ministry of Teen Mania, formed to introduce young people to the missionary vision and to send them around the world. This summer GE had 58 trips planned to 21 countries (including the U.S.), and the trip my family is on was one of four to Romania. When they arrived at the church they are staying at in Oradea there was already a previous group there that had been working on various projects, including organizing a neighborhood block party for Sunday evening that would kick-off the church's Vacation Bible School this week. The VBS will be the main focus for Tiger Lilly and her cohorts, though other public ministry in streets and parks is planned. Sunday at church they had a special visitor, Ron Luce, founder and head of Teen Mania.

RM's role is as the assistant to the two Program Directors leading the trip. There are 30 youth (ages 11-13) with an adult Missionary Advisor for every four or five kids. RM handles the travel logistics, daily itineraries and other crucial details such as going to the market daily to buy bread for the main course of most of their meals: peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches.

This morning in church Ron Luce, the founder of Teen Mania, spoke. He flew in last night. Teen Mania has been working with this church for 10 years and this is the first time Ron has been here. I heard a little of his testimony of how he started Teen Mania and GE. After the service was over I had him pray for me as a youth leader. I've attached a photo of him with his translater, Ted, on the right.

I did see some gypsies here in church today. The church has some ministry to the gypsy culture, but no one talks about them much, I've noticed. I followed two down the street a ways, on my way to market to buy bread, and I wanted to take their picture but I thought it would be rude; as if they were not real people, but animals in a zoo or something. They were very colorfully dressed, but looked very downtrodden.

Yesterday I was mistaken for a Romanian, but today when I left the store I was stopped by security so they could check my purchases against my receipts. There were many security people standing around, but I didn't see them stop anyone else. I wonder if it was the visor I was wearing or what clued them in that I was an unsavory individual. While I was in the store I heard all kinds of American music played over the PA. some of it was very old. I heard Baker Street. Isn't that funny?.

I have to go almost every day to buy bread for our daily PBJs.

In addition to emails, I can follow the trip's progress from a parent page on the GE website. The Project Leaders upload photos and news regularly. They posted the following as the group packed up to leave Texas last week:

The juniors learned how to communicate their faith using their personal testimonies and the basic principles of the gospel. We watched dramas that depicted how to tell others, who are from another culture, about God.

Evening worship, once again, was amazing. In fact, many of the students moved out of their seats and went down to the front where there was more room to express how excited they were about God.

After an excellent final service, the young people got ink, and put their finger print on a map of Romania. It symbolized their commitment to use their unique abilities to leave an impression on Romania, and make HIM known.

Packing went until around midnight, and now everyone is sleeping. We will be ready to leave campus around 7am in the morning.

Pray that God will help us to travel smart, and to pay attention to detail. Pray that our leadership team stays energized and alert, as we load these teens on the planes!

Sincerely,
Dave and Emmie
Project Directors

P.S. We want to honor Marjorie, who is our 'Country Assistant.' Marjorie spent all day organizing passports and travel release forms, getting team lists together, and prepping games for the students to play while we travel on the long bus and plane rides. Thanks to Marjorie we have everything ready to go! She rocks!

Amen to that!

Update: Out of solidarity, I decided to have a PBJ for my supper tonight as well. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm!

Update: The Reverend Mother writes: I'd like to point out that we're only eating PBJs one meal a day. We have cereal or pastries for breakfast and today's menu included fresh peaches. We have a large meal, prepared by some wonderful person, for lunch. Today we had roast beef, mashed potatoes and a salad of cucumbers and home grown tomatoes. The potatoes were kind of golden in color and very tasty. The tomatoes were probably the best I have ever had.

I have this picture in my mind of Barry Bonds frantically peddling a racing bike through the French Alps as he's chased by pit bulls, all while an NBA referee uses his cellphone to check the scores before deciding whether to call traveling or not.

There are so many crash and burns going on in sports right now you'd have to be a NASCAR fan to keep track of them all. This year in the Tour De France the yellow jersey isn't given to the leader, but to the guy who collects the urine samples.

At least there the teams have the decency to shove their disgraced cheaters over a cliff. In San Francisco Giants fans embrace Barry Bonds — or they would if they could get their arms around head, that is. I've had my differences with MLB Commissioner Selig over the years (though I thought his son-in-law was a real nice guy when he was with the Twins and I worked for the Sports Commission), but I give Bud credit for not wanting to be anywhere near the stadium when Bonds breaks the record.

The only reason I would go would be for the chance to catch the record-breaking ball — so I could call a press conference the next day, use a big ol' hypodermic needle to inject the ball with gasoline and then set it on fire. (Sure, I'd miss out on a lot of money, but on the plus side I'd never have to buy myself a drink for the rest of my life). I know, you can't "prove" that Bonds is a juicer (though his post-career endorsement options may be limited to Hamilton Beach and the Waring Company) but who are you going to believe — Barry, or your own lying eyes?

I remember 30-some years ago when Hank Aaron was closing in on Babe Ruth's record and how much hate mail he received from folks who didn't like the idea of a black man breaking the mark. Those fears seem even more ridiculous today when a cheater is about to do it.

As for Michael Vick, I have no doubt the Feds put a lot of heat on his lower-level associates in order to bag him and I think he's (justifiably) in serious trouble and in for serious jail-time...unless he now becomes the key to blowing the whole dog-fighting sub-culture in professional sports wide open by naming names. Somehow I just don't think he's the only young athlete with a lot of time and money on his hands and a taste for violence and gambling. I remember an article in Sports Illustrated a couple of years ago that focused on how a number of NFL players loved raising pitbulls. It was all positive on how much they loved these dogs, but now you've got to wonder.

If there's anyone who's got to be sweating about tips of icebergs, however, it's Daniel Stern and the NBA. In a game who's rules have always seemed rather whimsically officiated, the reactions I've seen to the fact that a referee will be indicted for fixing games has been less, "You stink!" and more, "Ya think?" No worries, though, Mr. Stern; Pro Wrestling is still packing them in and they've got the trifecta: steroids, mad dogs and pre-determined outcomes!

The Mall Diva and I went grocery shopping together Monday evening for our sustenance. Usually the Reverend Mother does this after first drawing up a very meticulous list; she doesn't deviate from the list and prides herslef on getting in and out of Cub in less than an hour. The Mall Diva also created a list, which we followed, but I'm more of an impulse buyer. This explains the chocolate-flavored Cap'n Crunch cereal we (I) bought.

I'll try just about anything once if it's chocolate-flavored, so I poured my first portion of this breakfast confection this morning. It wasn't bad, but as usual I can't eat Cap'n Crunch without remembering a certain incident that happened 20 years ago. As it turns out, this incident wasn't "about" 20 years ago — it was 20 years ago today.

I was working for an advertising and promotion agency in St. Louis Park and on that Thursday evening we managed to finish our Ad League co-ed softball game under ominous skies ahead of The Storm. I even got home before the highway flooded so I wasn't greatly inconvenienced and none of my property was damaged. Things were a bit different at work, however.

The good news: we'd just recently landed a large account to promote Quaker Oats cereal in the institutional market. The bad news: the "product" didn't come in cute boxes like in the grocery store, but in large plastic bags almost as big as me. Many bags of "product" had been delivered for a catalog photo-shoot and were waiting patiently in our cool, dry storeroom. A cool, dry storeroom that happened to be at the lowest corner of our building and was no longer very cool and definitely not very dry.

Picture, if you will, the image of several hundred pounds of Cap'n Crunch and other cereals swelling and bursting out of its containers and washing across the floor like a great, rising, golden wave of something that looked rather like hominy. Do you have a picture in your head? Great. Now, imagine the smell.

Fortunately I already had scheduled the day off from work, so I'm not sure how long it took others to shovel out the effluent blob of not-so-goodness. I do know that the scent lingered well into winter.

The crickets here in Texas are so loud, even during the day. Their voice box and vocal cords must be mutated.

All the rest of the missionaries arrive today. I'm approaching this with some trepidation, because I don't know what they'll be like. The people already here are really nice. I'll have random people coming up to me and saying, "Hi, you're Patience, right? I know your Mom."

There's a guy named Angelo here that I had a really good talk with this morning. He just turned 20 yesterday. He's really nice, and he's going to Romania with us! We were talking about Teen Mania and what we wanted to do in life. He said he wanted to travel around the world and preach in different churches. Future husband prospect? Hmmm... just kidding! I wouldn't want to submit him to the usual torture for prospective boyfriends ... disembowelment... decapitation... having a harpoon run through him. Or even being thrown out the window by my Dad, wearing his Haggar pants.

Well, I'm off to check the blogs.

Ciao for now!

Night Writer note: The Reverend Mother is one of the adult leaders of the Global Expeditions-Teen Mania youth mission trip to Romania. As such she had to report to the GE campus a couple of days ahead of the young missionaries for special training, though she wasn't sure what this was to entail. Apparently she's found out, and files this report:

Our team consists of about 10 people. Two Project Directors, four Team Leaders and about six Missionary Advisor Candidates. The actual Missionary Advisors (MAs) will be chosen during the training by the Project Directors. Our leader is a runner and in very good condition. I estimate him to be about 40. He made us do a light jog to the ropes course, about 1/5 of a mile. I'm no runner, but at least I didn't keel over or anything, even though it's very hot.

The first exercise required us to lift a tire from the ground off of an eight foot pole using nothing but ourselves. The tire and our bodies could never touch the pole. The facilitator of this little piece of torture would also give us random limitations, such as some of our group were blind or missing limbs, or couldn't speak. It was frustrating, but we did it. We decided as a group that what we needed to take from that activity was teamwork and communication.

The next exercise required us to escape from a roped off area between four trees. The rope was about waist high and was 'electric' and below the rope was invisible razor wire so it was pretty deadly. If any parts of our bodies touched the 'electric wire' that part was gone. We lost some legs and arms and one guy lost his back. That must have hurt. Then a few of us, including me, ended up blind for some reason that I can no longer recall. We were at the mercy of the facilitator.

Ultimately we made a "step" on the inside of the enclosure and got the first person out, then that person became a "step" on the outside and many of us were able to 'walk' over with a great deal of assistance from our team mates. I was 'blind' when I went over. The biggest challenges were getting our 300 lb team member out and getting the last person out. We did have the use of a four-foot long 2x4 and got her out using that. Two guys held it above the wire across a corner and she managed to hoist herself onto it and then they shifted it over far enough for her to hop down on the outside. It was much more difficult than it sounds, because at no time could anything touch the wire.


Here is most of our group, Sunday night after dinner.
(Kevin - Angelo is the dark-haired guy fourth from the left. Thanks, NW.)

The last activity required us all to scale a ten-foot wall using only our bodies and again some people 'lost' the use of limbs at the discretion of the facilitator. We didn't manage to get everyone over within the time-frame allotted, but we did get Dan, the big guy, over, which was nothing short of miraculous. We got over by climbing up two of our team members who stood against the wall and then others hoisted us each up till we could gain enough purchase to stand up on their shoulders and then reach up to the people above us so they could pull us up. Once you got up onto the guy's shoulders and reached up you really didn't have to do much but just allow yourself to be pulled up and over. The first person however, had to get themselves up there with no one to pull him. Obviously, that was one of the more athletic guys in our group.

After each activity we would discuss what we had done, how we could do it better, and the things that we needed to take away from the process to use when we get on the field. I guess I can see the application to the team work we will be involved in while taking sixty 11 - 13 year olds to a foreign country. Btw, this is the first time GE has taken people this young abroad. I'm trying to gear myself up for a lot of work. The missionaries are arriving today and when they get here its going to get very hectic!

The Reverend Mother and Tiger Lilly are gone (see previous post) and the Mall Diva went to Duluth Friday afternoon with some friends for a weekend women's retreat, leaving me to kick around the big house by myself.

What to do...what to do...what to do...

I might take myself out for dinner and movie tonight if I can decide what I want to eat and see. Tiger Lilly also emailed to remind me to pick up the new Harry Potter book for her since she's not going to be able to get one herself for awhile (unless she wants the Transylvanian translation, that is).

I went out earlier this afternoon and picked up the book from the big stack at Walmart, along with a few bachelor snacks (mmmm, pork rinds!). I suppose I could spend the evening reading the book.

Or, I could just read the last few pages ....

*flip, flip, flip*

Hmmm. Mmm-hmmm. Huh. Well, that's certainly interesting! I never expected Harry and Voldemort to suddenly apparate in the midst of the Soprano family in a New Jersey diner in order to fight their last duel!

Tiger Lilly and the Reverend Mother left for Romania yesterday morning though it will be a few more days before they actually leave the country since they have to undergo some training and orientation at the Global Expedition headquarters in Garden City, Texas, including meeting the other members of the group.

The Mall Diva and I got up at 3:30 Friday morning to take them to the airport for their 5:30 a.m. flight. RM and TL were up well before that (if, indeed, they slept at all the night before leaving). Just about everything was packed and loaded into the car the night before, including two fully-stuffed suitcases so heavy I seriously wondered how they were going to manage these without me. A lot of the weight and space is taken up by bedding that they have to bring along and which will ultimately be left behind at some point. I'm not sure why a 5:30 a.m. flight was necessary and apparently neither was Continental Airlines because they ended up canceling the flight after we dropped the missionaries off. They were ultimately delayed only a couple of hours before getting on their way, but it would have been nice to have spent those hours in bed.

Driving home from the airport the Mall Diva said, "Let's go to breakfast!" That sounded like a good idea for, oh, three or four seconds, but my eyes felt so gritty I said I just wanted to go back to bed. To my surprise I was actually able to go back to sleep and when I got up we did go out. I'm always amazed at how much Eggs Benedict and hash browns the Diva can put into her tiny frame. There wasn't any rest for the travelers, however, who still had a two-hour drive from the Dallas airport to get to their destination. At one point the Reverend Mother had to pull over on a quiet road to try and take a 20-minute nap.

No such luck. After about five minutes a truck stopped to see if they needed any help. The situation was explained and the truck drove off. Two minutes later another truck slowed for the same purpose and was waved off. Nice, friendly people those Texans. Fortunately the ladies arrived safely and Tiger Lilly emailed me the details. Their luggage was so full that in the end they decided not to take the laptop along, but they will be sending updates and/or posting from wherever they can find access in Texas and Oradea, Romania (which supposedly has numerous internet cafes).

Well, that's a relief. It turns out that the endangered Chilean sea bass that Al Gore and others dined on during the rehearsal dinner for his daughter's wedding were not so endangered after all (though the particular entrees in question might choose to quibble). While the Chilean sea bass (aka Patagonian toothfish) species as a whole is clinging to survival as desperately as the McCain campaign, it turns out that the ones invited to the Gore table were special:

But the fish enjoyed by the Gores were not endangered or illegally caught.

Rather, the restaurant later confirmed, they had come from one of the world's few well-managed, sustainable populations of toothfish, and caught and documented in compliance with Marine Stewardship Council regulations. The Gores' spokesman, Kalee Kreider, admitted that the fish has been on the menu, but said: "The Gores absolutely agree with this humane society and the rest of the environmental community about illegally caught Chilean sea bass.

(HT: The Far Wright)

I'm sure that further investigation will show that the Marine Stewardship Council regulations also require that the fish enjoy government-funded universal health and dental benefits, lifetime education in government schools, and are harvested only by electric hybrid and bio-diesel equipped trawlers. Though not native to the U.S., the toothfish were here as "guest workers" and were happy to pay for a better wedding after Gore personally assured them that there was no "controlling legal authority" and that it "was for the (my) children."

I also look for the Gores to announce they are purchasing "tarpon offsets" to counter their conspicuous consumption.

"Missions trip" has a certain connotation in religious circles, denoting a special status for what really should be viewed as an every day outlook on life. (Our pastor has said, "God will send you across the world, but He also wants to send you across the street.") I suppose you could say Jesus went on the ultimate "missions trip" when He was sent to us. At one point during this mission He said, "I must be about my Father's business."

Later this week Tiger Lilly and the Reverend Mother will therefore be leaving on their own business trip to Romania, with a stop in Texas for some training and orientation on the way. It's a trip that was researched and instigated about a year ago by Tiger Lilly through Global Expeditions. Some time after she had committed to go her mother was also led to join the group. TL was ready and willing to go it on her own with the Global Expeditions team, but is glad to have her favorite mom along. Despite being "just" 13, this is her second overseas trip, having gone with her mother to China for three weeks the summer before last. (Details here, here and here).

I hope Tiger Lilly will have time before they leave to put up a post on how and why she chose this trip and how she was able to raise enough money not only for this trip but to also set some aside for the next one, whenever or wherever that may be. She and the Reverend Mother are taking a wireless laptop along and the digital camera and should have relatively good access for posting as the trip goes on. Stay tuned.


Last Sunday our church prayed for our latest missionaries.

The whole family made it over to Keegan's Saturday night for a lovely evening with many of our fellow bloggers from the Minnesota Organization of Bloggers. I didn't wear a Hawaiian shirt, despite Kevin and Ben's attempts at peer pressure which didn't work because, well, they'd have to be my peers. Anyway, since a picture is worth a thousand words, here's about a month's worth (at my recent pace) of blogging:


Surly Dave rode his new Moto Guzzi to the event and was "Kindly Dave" enough to let a long-time biker,
the Reverend Mother, take it for a spin.


Mocha Momma and Kingdavid from The Far Wright joined the festivities. (That's Dan Stover, the Northern Alliance Wannabe in the background.)


Jennifer and Brad Carlson made their debut at one of our official MOB functions.


I think Learned Foot is beckoning the photographer to come closer. Either that or he's ordering a beer and a shot, hold the beer.


After two years of trying, Kevin finally snuck a beer past me to the Mall Diva. (Don't worry, Mr. Keegan, she gave it back.)


The Reverend Mother spent part of the evening eavesdropping on Mitch Berg. "He's really interesting," she said. "Is there anything he doesn't have an opinion on?" If so, we haven't found it. I do know he likes Springsteen and, along with Strommie, the Mall Diva.


Diamond Dog (Scott Brooks) from Freedom Dogs and King Banaian from SCSU Scholars.

While this post might give you the impression that all I did all evening was run around and take pictures, that would not be correct. I spent the evening talking with the folks shown above and many others, including John and his wife from Roosh Five and Jeff Kouba from Peace Like a River and Truth vs. the Machine. The photos were taken by Ben from Hammerswing with my camera, however. I've emailed a lot of the images to him for him to post so you might want to check over at his blog in the next couple of days to see what he has added.

Co-blogging: Reverend Mother and Mall Diva

Setting: Panera Bread in MPLS

MD: Mmmm! These are like muffin cookies!
RM: Yeah, but not like meat cookies.
MD: The lightbulb goes on...That must be why they're called "Muffies"!
RM: So what are we going to talk about? Steals some of MD's Carrot Walnut Mini Bundt cake.
MD: Hey! Mine!
RM: Why are you eating all this? Aren't you looking too good in your fat jeans? Are you writing this down?
MD: I don't need to worry about that if you're eating all my food.
RM: You could do what that guy is doing- Stand on the corner and jog in place.
MD: I'm wearing the wrong shoes. Takes a bite of RM's Pumpkin Muffie...
RM: Hey!
MD: You offered it to me.
RM: Oooh, there's a cool looking dude.
MD: Gags. He's wearing a tye-dye shirt that doesn't even meet his pants!
RM pokes MD and points out the window at a VW Bug
MD: Ooh! It's a convertible! Look at the guy driving-
RM: Yeah, in his white shirt and black tie. I bet if you went out there and batted your eyelashes at him, he'd give you a ride.
MD: Most guys that drive Bugs are gay. If I went out there and batted my eyelashes at him, he'd probably throw up.
RM: Not all guys are. I think your father should get one and throw off the whole paradigm. Pokes MD again.
MD: Can you imagine dad driving a Bug?
RM thinks for a second and bursts out laughing: No!
MD: This cake is so good.
RM: It's somewhat good.
MD: Better than yours.
RM: Not better than the Pumpkin Muffie.
MD: Well I like it better.
RM: I'm thinking about trying oatmeal.
MD: Trying oatmeal? Haven't you had oatmeal before?
RM: Not since I was under 5. Oh, I remember one time I was at an aunt's house and she served it for breakfast, and I ate it until someone mentioned that I didn't like it.
MD: So it sounds like you stopped eating it because someone said you didn't like it. The power of suggestion.
RM: No, when my Aunt found out I didn't like it, she said I could have something else. I don't remember what I had, though. Maybe Bourbon.
MD: What, vermin?
RM: No! Bourbon.
MD: Oh. For breakfast?
RM: I haven't had oatmeal since I was very young and I've never had Bourbon.
MD: Well it's not too late to start.
RM laughs.
RM: Look! A truck full of motorcycles!
MD: Cool! Snugglebug! There's a guy wearing a Hawaiian shirt. I wonder if he's going to the MOB party tomorrow?
RM: He probably won't be wearing it until then. Pokes MD. Look! There's Surdyk's cheese shop! We could go get some double Gloucester!
MD: Or some liquor.
RM: Is that a guy? He's wearing a dress! He's doing his Jesus imitation. He needs an intervention.
MD: He's drinking out of a mason jar.
MD: I think it's Health Inspector day. You know, we're way funnier when Tiger Lilly isn't around.
RM nods.
RM: I want a motorcycle. That girl has one. Let's go test drive some motorcycles today.
MD: Ok. Can you test drive a motorcycle if you don't have a motorcycle license?
RM: No, you can't! You'll have to ride behind me. Dad bought a flat screen TV. I should be able to buy a motorcycle.
MD: Do you know how hard it is to type "motorcycle" over and over?
RM: You need to cut and paste.

End.

Tonight normally would have been my night for going to Keegan's for trivia, but I'm holding off on that (and the delicious cheeseburger and potato wedges) until Saturday night and the MOB's grand summer event.

I expect the entire Night Writer blogging consortium (Reverend Mother, Mall Diva and Tiger Lilly) to be there as well so I'll be easy to spot. Not because I'll be wearing a Hawaiian shirt, but because I'll be the guy surrounded by beautiful women. Unless, of course, I actually do wear a Hawaiian shirt, in which case my wife will come nowhere near me and the Mall Diva will likely just stay in the car. Tiger Lilly would probably come in, but mainly for the possibility of carrot cake.

See you there!

Not too many people were shocked when Al Gore III was pulled over last week for speeding, drug possession and having a trunkload of counterfeit carbon credits. What was surprising was that he was clocked at more than 100 mph in a Prius! I'm not a motor-head like Jroosh, but that's a speed I thought was approachable only if the car were dropped very high from a crane at the Sturgis Bike Rally.

Obviously there are a lot of easy jokes that can be (and were) made. I appreciate it when someone works a little harder for the humor, which is why I especially liked Nancy's musical treatment at Away With Words:

I feel a song coming on (in the spirit of the Beachboys, the Daytonas, and Jan and Dean):

Hybrid Synergy Racin' Machine

I was cruisin' downtown in my Toyota Prius
- Cruise, little Prius! Whoosh! Whoosh!
Doing 50 mpg, just like they guarantee us.
- Conserve, little Prius! Whoosh! Whoosh!
When a big bad Hummer came up alongside
Said, "Hey, Granola--ready to ride?"

I said, I know what you're thinking--I'm an herbal-tea wuss.
- Rev, little Prius! Shush! Shush!
And I'll never catch up in my Toyota Prius
- Glide, little Prius! Shush! Shush!
Yeah, my engine is silent--but it's deadly, too
So buckle up, baby, 'cause I'm gunnin' for you.

Girl's voice: "No, Al! No, Al! No, Al! Nooooooo!"

[refrain]
Well, I run on electric and I run on gas
Ain't nobody here gonna kick my ass.
Prius is green--yeah!--but Prius is mean,
It's a hybrid synergy racin' machine.

I push-button-started and began to roll
- Go, little Prius! Zip! Zip!
Passed the Hummer, a Porsche, and the Highway Patrol.
- Fight, little Prius! Zip! Zip!
I was doin' a hundred on the southbound 5
Lost the Hummer on a curve, more dead than alive.

[refrain]
Well, I run on electric and I run on gas
Ain't nobody here gonna kick my ass!
Prius is green--yeah!--but Prius is mean,
It's a hybrid synergy racin' machine.

Whoa - talk about your little juiced coupe! I wonder if there's any coming back from Dead Man's Surge? Oh well, I guess Al III will have fun, fun, fun 'til Daddy takes the Prius away!

The Sunday before the 4th the Mall Diva joined her cousin's family up at their cabin near Crosby, MN. The plan was to spend a couple of days on ATVs, dirt bikes and paddle boats and then come back on the 4th so MD could be at work on the 5th. Her cousin drove.

Late Wednesday afternoon I got a message that the Diva and cousin were going to stay up in Crosby to watch the fireworks and then drive home — a 3-hour drive. Well, they missed a very fine fireworks display right in my living room when I got that word. Even without all the teenage drivers slaughtering themselves or being slaughtered by others on the roads at night lately, the thought of these youths driving home after midnight following a day of fun in the sun — and sharing the road with a bunch of other yahoos who had been enjoying fun in the sun and drinking — seemed like a spectacularly bad idea, especially with Al Gore's kid on the loose.

Fortunately I had the numbers for just about every cell-phone up at that cabin and I left messages on a couple before I got through to the cousin, who just so happened to be right next to my daughter. My message was direct and well-received by MD; unfortunately she wasn't the one with the car. No matter: "I will come and get you if you don't have a ride," I said, figuring I had enough time to get up there and back before midnight and I was well rested. A few minutes later she called back, letting me know they'd be heading home shortly. As it turned out, she was home by 11:00 without incident, though her cousin wasn't especially pleased that my parental grappling hooks had so much reach. Believe me, I can live with it. I'm not afraid to be the bad guy for a good cause.

As much as MD and her cousin may have rolled their eyes at me, however, it cannot compare to how much I rolled my eyes at those clamoring for Minnesota to pass more laws restricting teen drivers, even though doing so put me - for probably the first and last time - on the same side as Minnesota legislator Tom Rukavina, though probably not for the same reasons. While the article I just linked to strongly suggests a correlation between Minnesota's "scofflaw" (compared to other states) approach to driver restrictions and the amount of teenage carnage on our roads, I reject the knee-jerk reaction that three or four more laws are the best way to "do something." That is precisely the type of useless do-goodism and deep-as-a-dogdish thinking that lets people feel good about themselves without addressing the underlying issues of personal and parental responsibility while at the same time promoting the all-caring, ever-expanding nanny state mentality.

That's not to say that I don't think teen drivers don't need guidance and restrictions. Teens are not inherently bad drivers; they are, inescapably, less-experienced drivers. I agree, something must be done — and my wife and I did it. When the Mall Diva first started driving we placed our own "laws" on hours and passengers which were gradually reduced over the past two and a half years. Other expectations have also been communicated and she has demonstrated that she is a responsible and effective driver. And, as indicated above, we continue to take an active and involved interest in her driving (and riding) career, even if it's wildly inconvenient. (We also put her in 3,000-pounds of sheet metal and we pray a lot). I know MD totally believed me when I said I would come and get her, and not out of reproach but from commitment.

I recognize that that isn't always enough to keep our children safe, and my heart goes out the the parents who have suffered these wracking losses this year. More laws, however, aren't a guarantee either. One of the legislators in favor of more laws framed it in terms of "giving parents better tools." Well, thank you very much, but my tools work just fine, especially when I use them. (I wonder how many of those legislators that want to "help parents" by restricting teens who want to drive are just as adamant about there not being any parental involvement or restrictions on teens that want abortions.) I suppose some parents might feel their position is strengthened if they can cite the law as if the matter was out of their hands. If your children aren't going to listen to you (who they have to face every day), however, I don't know if they'll adhere to a law.

In the last five days I've accomplished the following:

• Mowed the grass


• Did laundry


• Shaved twice

Oh, and I moved the piano out four feet from the wall and later moved it back again so my wife could paint the music room, an enterprise for which my main contribution, besides moving the piano, was to say, "It looks lovely, dear." I've also read most of Steven Pressfield's "The Afghan Campaign" and two comic books that Tiger Lilly checked out of the library. All in all I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

The last four months have been very busy at work and at home. Well, home has been about normal, but I've been arriving there so late most evenings and working so much over the weekends that it seemed as if there wasn't much time to do anything. I love those mid-week holidays, though, especially when I can extend the time off through the weekend with a couple of vacation days. I promised myself that I'd simply veg on the 4th and then maybe just check office emails on Thursday and Friday; as it turned out, vegging out felt so good that I never got around to the emails until earlier today. I know, I'm a slug.

I also got in some golf one day and this afternoon the family went out for a movie and pizza. We saw "Transformers" which was a high-octane, super-frenetic film perfect for getting my heart-rate back up to work-speed. The previews before the movie, however, suggested to me that Hollywood is even lazier than I am. I'm not sure I even remember the names of the coming attractions, but they all struck me as formulaic rehashes of other movies.

Let's see, there was a "Napoleon Dynamite" rip-off called "Hot Rod", and what looked like another by-the-numbers movie starring The Rock and an impossibly cute and precocious little girl about a pro football player who discovers he's a dad when the said little girl shows up unexpectedly at his door. Comedy presumably ensues but I didn't even bother to remember the name of that film. Next was a Will Smith vehicle that looked like a cross between "War of the Worlds" and the old Charlton Heston flick, "The Omega Man"; I think they're calling this one "I am Legend." This preview was followed by one for another apocalyptic "thriller" that may have been the same movie except it didn't show any scenes with Will Smith. As either an oversight or a bold marketing ploy, they never gave the name of the movie. Ooh! Ooh! I'm intrigued — not!

As for "Transformers," it was pretty good overall even though there were logic gaps large enough to drive a Decepticon through. The best part of all, though, was that I didn't have to think or work too hard in order to enjoy it, which fit perfectly with my holiday weekend strategy.

Now it's back to work tomorrow and, perhaps, more regular blogging.

Kingdavid has tagged me with a meme:
"Songs that I've made a happy fool of myself singing along to."

This is going to be hard, because I pretty much sing along with any song I know the words to, and quite a few songs I don't really know the words to. How long can my list be? And where do I begin?

I'll start with a classic:

1~ "The Hampsterdance" by Hampton the Hampster
Yes, I spelled that right. This is one you really need to crank up, let loose and rock out to. Especially in public. It even instructs you on how to do the Hampsterdance! And by the time you're done with that, this song will come in really handy:

2~ "Dancing With Myself" by Billy Idol
Oh oh ohoh!! Need I say more?

Oh oh, I know!
3~ "Believe" by Cher
I confess I've always liked this song, though I thought it was sung by a dude until someone told me otherwise.

And now for something completely different!
4~ "Witness" by Nicole C. Mullen
Ooooh yeeeah. I betcha didn't know I could rap, didja?
Holla!

And speaking of rapping:
5~ Every song on my Group 1 Crew cd. They are brand spankin' new (pretty much) and absolutely kick butt. Even live! I saw them at Club 3 degrees with Princess Flickerfeather and her cousins.
Holla again!

6~ "Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy" by Big and Rich
Yup, I've made a happy fool of myself singing along to this and the parody my sister made up. She likes to do that.

Speaking of parodies...
7~ "Oh! Gravity" by Switchfoot
This cd rocks, and both the original version and the Tiger Lilly version are fun to sing and head-bang to.

8~ "Man, I Feel Like A Woman" by Shania Twain
Of course.

9~ "Such Great Heights" by The Postal Service
One of my absolute favorite songs, along with:

10~ "Far Away" by Nickelback
So beautiful! *sniff*...

Here's one for my dad:
11~ "Lawyers, Guns, and Money" by Warren Zevon
Ha ha!

And here's one for my mom:
12~ "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor

Here's a fun one!
13~ "Beyond the Sea" by Bobby Darin

14~ "Flower Duet" by Charlotte Church
Almost everybody who tries to sing along with this will make a fool of themself.

15~ "Wordy Rappinghood" by Tom Tom Club
Yes...I've sung along to this.

Ok, just one more:
16~ "Sly" by the Cat Empire
Super fun!!!

Anyway, there's a list for ya. It's in no way an exhaustive list, but it's cool.

Peace out, homeslices!

Most folks can recall the references to God in the opening paragraph of the Declaration of Independence; you know the parts about "the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them" and all men being "endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights." You might be surprised, however, to know that this wasn't the last reference — in what some today would have you believe is a "secular" document — to a Divine interest in the affairs at hand. The last paragraph also establishes a spiritual foundation:

We, therefore, the representatives of the United States of America, in General Congress, assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name, and by the authority of the good people of these colonies, solemnly publish and declare, that these united colonies are, and of right ought to be free and independent states; that they are absolved from all allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the state of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as free and independent states, they have full power to levy war, conclude peace, contract alliances, establish commerce, and to do all other acts and things which independent states may of right do. And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes and our sacred honor.

The Night Writer family, plus Uncle Ben, went to the Stearns County Boy Scout camp recently to minister at their evening service for the 6 to 11 year olds. The Mall Diva, Tiger Lilly and Ben lead the group in some action songs and I delivered a short message which included fire, but no brimstone. At one point during the message I actually got applause! The best response to any message I’ve ever preached, however, was afterward when one father was overheard saying to his son “See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” High praise indeed!

During our stay with the scouts we had great opportunities to shoot BB guns and arrows, eat camp food and sit around the campfire. No scary stories, though — they don’t want Cub Scouts having nightmares. We’re planning on going back again!


Pointy-end goes in bullseye?


Our aim is true.


"Trigger" Lilly


Singing and juggling: "'Orange' you glad you love Jesus..."


Object lesson: how hard is it to keep the Commandments? The blindfolded scouts had to try and catch Ben.


Fire, no brimstone: flash paper shows what happens to our sin when God forgives us. Poof, it's gone!

Via The Kool-Aid Report, I've been able to determine the Motion Picture Association of America rating for this blog:



This is kind of problematic, since a 13-year-old is a regular contributor to this site. Analysis provided by the evaluation tool indicates:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

gay (7x) dead (6x) punch (2x) breast (1x)

Hmmm...most of those "gay" words probably came in a post I did a few weeks ago about certain cars now being perceived as "gay." Similarly, "dead" was no doubt prominent in my last post about cockroaches (Heavens - it's a good thing that word didn't appear on the "restricted" list). I have no idea where "punch" might have been used, but I know I used the word "breast" in a poem posted for Mother's Day — and it was used in its maternal sense. There can be no question of this fact, because I don't use the word "breast" here; I typically prefer terms such as "gazongas" or "ba-ZOOMS". (Just kidding, Mom).
Just to be safe I think I need to announce that no one can read this blog unless accompanied by a sense of humor.