"The first family of Minnesota Blogging" - Mitch Berg, Shot in the Dark

Illuminating fun, faith,
family and foolishness.

“Peace, prosperity, liberty and morals
have an intimate connection.”

- Thomas Jefferson

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Long cool woman in a black dress
With Valentine's Day coming up I thought I'd give you less romantic guys out there a good suggestion for a Valentine's Day gift for your significant other. (I know, I know, you look at me and then you look at the Reverend Mother and you think, "Da-yum, that guy has just got to have some romantic secrets!") Anyway, here's what I did for my wife for last Valentine's Day (take notes, kids): I recorded a CD for her!

No, not me singing. She may put up with a lot, but me singing goes way beyond "till death do you part" for her. Instead I used my iTunes account to hunt down and burn a CD of special songs that all described her (or the two of us together in some way). To give you a flavor of how this works, here are the songs I recorded (don't try these at home, you've got to come up with your own songlist).

The title of the CD was Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress by The Hollies. In this particular case there isn't much about the song that describes my wife except the title: she's long, she's cool and she wears black. A lot.

The first song is Oh, Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison. An easy and obvious intro that's "pretty" fitting, but the particular lyric in this song that best describes my feelings is when Roy goes, Growwwwl. Mercy!

Another song is Dream Weaver by Gary Wright. You see, my wife gets prophetic dreams a lot. Not really the "see the future" type dreams, but dreams God gives her that tell what is going on in someone else's life (so she can pray or know how to minister) or a sign in her own life. Unlike regular dreams that she forgets immediately, when she has a "God Dream" it's very detailed and sticks with her until she writes it down.

Pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street... Is She Really Going Out With Him? by Joe Jackson. Yeah, she is. What of it? (I told you earlier, big secrets of romance).

I also put Travelin' Prayer by Billy Joel on there. This one is included because of all the times she's traveled abroad on missions trips, whether the Philippines (twice), China or Romania while I'm back at home thinking, Hey Lord, take a look all around tonight and find where my baby's gonna be; Hey Lord, would ya look out for her tonight 'Cause she is far across the sea; Hey Lord, would ya look out for her tonight; And make sure that she's gonna be alright; And things are gonna be alright with me. There's even a line in there about making sure all her dreams are sweet!

Another song that has great personal significance is Seven Bridges Road by the Eagles. One day when we'd been dating for about three months we took an autumn day trip up to Duluth, MN and the North Shore. There's a road that leads up away from Duluth and Lake Superior known by my wife as "The Road to Seven Bridges." It cuts through the forest and over streams (and seven bridges) and you see a lot of beautiful scenery and finally you can look down on the city and the lake like a panorama. It was a great day and that night when we got back to town I asked her to marry me — and she said yes and did so about a year later!

The next song really ties in with the previous one, but I didn't realize it until just now. It's Unbelievable by Diamond Rio, which, as just occurred to me, has the lyric: She's so elegant, intelligent, heaven sent, all my money spent; I put a big down payment on that itty bitty diamond ring. The part I like best is that She's so kissable, huggable, lovable, unbelievable!

Despite what you might think of a guy who proposes after just three months, I tend to over-think and over-analyze things. Think Too Much by Paul Simon was on the cassette we listened to driving back from Duluth as faith and reason tumbled over and over in my head as Paul sang "Maybe I think too much for my own good; Some people say so; Other people say no no; The fact is You don't think as much as you could," and Paul and I both said, "Hmmmm."

Back when we first fell in love I would have walked 500 miles and then walked 500 more just so I could be the man who walked 1000 miles fell down at her door. Yes, The Proclaimers and I'm Gonna Be (500 miles), assuring her that When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you; And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream; I'm gonna Dream about the time when I'm with you. More dreams! I'd still walk that far, but it would take so long these days that I'm not sure she'd wait for me.

The next song on the CD is You Sexy Thing by Hot Chocolate, and that's all I'm going to say about that. Except...I believe in miracles!

If you love a woman, you'll do anything for her. Climb the highest mountain, swim the deepest sea, fight a grizzly bear, let her have the last doughnut, etc. You'll even, when you know she's a Barry Manilow fan, download Barry's version of Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You, even though you know it's going to go on your permanent record somewhere.

My favorite song on the CD is She by Elvis Costello, from the Notting Hill soundtrack. It's a love song not burdened or blinded by sentimentality but all the truer for the deep realization that this is it for you: Me, I'll take her laughter and her tears; And make them all my souvenirs; For where she goes I've got to be; The meaning of my life is...She.



What better way to wrap things up but with Joe Cocker singing You Are So Beautiful:

You are so beautiful to me
You are so beautiful to me
Can't you see
Your everything I hoped for
Your everything I need
You are so beautiful to me

Such joy and happiness you bring
Such joy and happiness you bring
Like a dream
A guiding light that shines in the night
Heavens gift to me
You are so beautiful to me


School's out, I think I hear my wife calling me.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The handwriting's on the wall for pensmanship

My hand-writing is atrocious and I admit that with more shame than pride. I dutifully learned my printing and cursive writing styles in school, but my thoughts have always been faster than my hand. Trying to get them down in longhand is like trying to rein in a team of stampeding horses — when the horses are behind you. In their haste to keep up my fingers have often cut corners around the edges of some letters, or lapped over the lines meant to keep the letters inside, or sketched the first few letters of a word while giving the rest of the word a lick and a promise.

Never better than mediocre at it's best when I was younger and using it regularly, my hand-writing has deteriorated as I've gotten older, even though I still use it quite a bit. My generation still had to write most of our reports and essays in longhand while in school, and I didn't take a typing class until my junior year in high school. I typed my college papers, except for my semester in England when I didn't have access to a typewriter and had to turn in four large bluebooks of laborious cursive. You'd think I'd be able to keep my "hand" in these days since I take copious notes at work and fill roughly one notebook a year in scrawled highlights of sermons from church. My wife, however, looks at my notes and says that I write in tongues, and it is getting to the point now where even I can't read the scratchings if it's been a week or two since they were put down on paper.

My struggles are not unusual and, in fact, the generations behind me may be even worse off according to a recent article in the Boston Globe noting the decline in handwriting in the U.S., most likely due to a decline in teaching it as students and teachers conform to the ubiquity of the keyboard, even in the elementary grades.

To previous generations, clear and speedy handwriting was essential to everything from public documents to personal letters to generals' orders in battle. As literacy became more widespread, various handwriting methods arose. There was italic, starting in the 15th century, and then in the 17th century came roundhand - called copperplate in the United States - seen in the Declaration of Independence and the script of Benjamin Franklin. In the 1820s, Platt Rogers Spencer developed the Spencerian script, which became the American standard in schools (it survives in the Coca-Cola logo).

Then came A.N. Palmer. While working as a clerk in Iowa in the 1880s, Palmer devised a way of writing that eliminated Spencer's fancy curlicues and purportedly minimized fatigue, too. He promoted his method in a book, "Palmer's Guide to Muscular Movement Writing," and by 1912 his method was dominant in American schools. Palmer and its offshoots featured the odd large number 2 for the capital Q, the capital D with the little forelock, and the M and N that start with a loop.

However much you studied your Palmer, though, your "hand" was distinctive - as personal as your voice or laugh. But as typewriters proliferated after World War II, handwriting gradually became less important. Authors typed their manuscripts and students typed their school papers. As telephones became universal, letter-writing virtually disappeared. In the e-mail age, most people seldom need to write more than a grocery list or a short note, or sign a check. It's not only kids; many who formerly wrote fluently and neatly have forgotten how.

"It's a very disturbing problem," said Kate Gladstone of Albany, N.Y., who has a website specializing in handwriting improvement. "I see people in their 20s and 30s who cannot read cursive. If you cannot read all types of handwriting, you might find your grandma's diary or something from 100 years ago, and not be able to read it." There are practical concerns as well. Sometimes we don't have a computer, or the professor won't let us bring it to class to take notes. Or sometimes, as happened in New Orleans hospitals during Hurricane Katrina, computers lose power and medical orders and records have to be written out by hand.

In a way, it's as if hand-writing has become another "dead" language like Greek or Latin. All three were once thought to be the foundations of a good education and now are the arcane province of "Men of Letters" (and Women).

While typing — whether on a typewriter, computer or hand-held device — is the most efficient and functional way to put words (or electrons) on paper these days, and despite my own struggles with the craft of penmanship, a part of me feels sadness at the decline of one of the "Three R's". There's an elegance and classiness in being able to master a graceful note to a loved one or even a list of chores on the whiteboard stuck to the refrigerator door. Perhaps that's why so many important documents today still affect a hand-written look. How ironic that a student today might not be able to read his or her diploma!

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Why did I come home? Part II
Scroll over each photo to reveal the hidden caption.

Candace and me! We've just arrived. Don't we look like we're having a blast?

Chubby Carrier and the Bayou Swamp Band!!! We like to zydeco!


This is Jackie's brother's condo. Amy, Candace and I stayed here.

Look! It's the beach!



Not nearly frightened enough!


(from boing-boing)


Nancy features the word "zombie" in her Word for the Week on Fritinancy, and offers an entertaining history of the origin and uses of the word as well, of course, as its place in our entertainment and culture. Included in this is the following punditry she's come across recently:

But it's the ongoing global financial crisis that has truly reanimated "zombie." References to zombie banks and zombie companies have proliferated over the last 12 months. "The threat of zombies here and now is real," wrote Alyce Lomax in the Motley Fool blog last week:
That is, the zombie banks and zombie corporations that are artificially kept alive even though in any rational, natural world they should be dead. And if these reanimated corpses are still stumbling around, growing greater and greater in number, well, I'm pretty sure we all know what appears to be causing the dead to rise.
In a Jan. 18 column titled "Wall Street Voodoo," New York Times op-ed columnist and Nobel Prize winner Paul Krugman wrote about a hypothetical bank, "Gothamgroup":

On paper, Gotham has $2 trillion in assets and $1.9 trillion in liabilities, so that it has a net worth of $100 billion. But a substantial fraction of its assets — say, $400 billion worth — are mortgage-backed securities and other toxic waste. If the bank tried to sell these assets, it would get no more than $200 billion.

So Gotham is a zombie bank: it’s still operating, but the reality is that it has already gone bust. Its stock isn’t totally worthless — it still has a market capitalization of $20 billion — but that value is entirely based on the hope that shareholders will be rescued by a government bailout.

I think in these cases the zombies are roaming the streets moaning for "Brains!" not because they want to eat them but because they seem to have misplaced them. This does give me an excuse to link to a classic from Tiger Lilly, however:


(Finally, the Are You Smarter Than a Fifth-Grader-level trivia question: What movie did the headline of this post come from? Hint: it wasn't a zombie film.)




Update:

To find out what the zombies don't want you to know (i.e., who you're really borrowing from) go here. (HT: Through the Illusion).

Monday, January 26, 2009

Whoa! Another post!!
Has Hell frozen over?

No!!!

I have something important to tell you! Last November Princess Flickerfeather and her brother Prince Donny went down to Oklahoma to help Tracy Trost, a friend of ours, work on an original film. They had a blast, and PFF even blogged all about it here!

Anyhoo, now the trailer is up, and I have a request to make of you:
Would you please join facebook (if you're not on it already), watch the trailer and become a fan of the movie? It would mean ever so much to us, it's quite an exciting event!! Thanks!
We Are ANOREX[ST]ICS INANEYMOUS!!! #17


:)

Ciao for now.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Picture this: Surrender, Dorothy
We're not in Kansas any more. Actually, I've never lived in Kansas but I thought about Kansas today during praise & worship at church. Well, what I was thinking about was "the rock" of my foundation and how important it is to build my house on the rock instead of shifting sand. So how does Kansas enter into this? Bear with me a moment.

In my last post I referenced Jesus' parable of the man who builds his house on the solid rock vs. the man who builds on shifting sand and how these homes fare when the rains, floods and winds come along. As an analogy I described the rain as being the economy (dampening everything), the floods as what washes away our job or business and the winds as the stresses that come along in the storm that and batter us (perhaps in our relationships, or health), adding to the destruction. Jesus suggested we "build" our homes — or lives — on something that can't be shaken and I've tried to renew my thinking over the years in order to do that. And that's when I thought of Kansas.

You see, in "The Wizard of Oz", when the twister appears on the Kansas horizon, Auntie Em and the others don't have a basement in the farmhouse to run to. Instead they have a detached root or storm cellar for emergencies. When that picture appeared in my mind it made me realize that there are probably areas in my life where I've built near my foundation but not actually upon it; things that look solid and even Biblical and may even be good, but are not built on that key foundation. "Doctrines of man" might be an example of this. Meanwhile, we take for granted the thing with the solid foundation, perhaps using it for storage or our convenience, almost forgetting what it's there for.

The thing is, when the storms and the wind come, the things I've built near the foundation — good, bad or indifferent — will blow away. The question I have to answer, then, is whether or not I'll chase after those things that are blowing down the road (after all, I've likely put a lot of time and effort into these) or if I'll look for people still out in the storm and try to wave them over into shelter.

What would you do?
Everyone asks me why I came home...
Last year at the beauty shop we had a friendly little competition in which the goal was to acquire points by selling retail and getting our clients to refer their friends, among other things. The prize would be that my boss, Jackie, would take the winner to Florida. (She goes there quite often because her brothers own condos there in Destin.) This was a big deal, and we started collecting points as fast as we could. It was kind of silly, though, because we didn't really establish a good way of keeping track of all the points; plus Amy (who owns the bakery about three doors down fom us, and does not work in our shop)would send me all the girls she coaches in softball (which I'm not complaining about), but then she would claim the points. Hello! That's bogus!!

Anyway, I think it was pretty clear that I won, but Jackie is nice, so she decided that she would take my co-worker, Candace, Amy, and me. We left January 9th at about 5 p.m., and partied until the day we returned home, the 14th. Yep, partied real hard, which for me included dancing, being the designated driver, and singing in a bar called Rum Runners. No, it was not karaoke, and yes, I am expecting my pay check to come soon.

Oh, yeah! The weather was kind of rainy and icky for a couple of days, but then it cleared up and was sunny. We walked on the beach a lot, and even swam! (Not in the ocean, silly, in a heated pool!) On our last day there we were walking on the beach, and my boss was wearing her swimsuit. A lady came up to us and said to her, "Wow, you're pretty brave." (I guess it felt a little cool out to the native Floridians, but to us from the frozen tundra it was definitely bikini weather.) Jackie said "Well I have to be out here like this, I have to go home today!!" "I hope you're not from Minnesota." "Yeah, we are." "You guys just made national news!"

I was all for staying til April, after hearing that.

(Just kidding, Benny!)

I have lots of pictures, I'll try to do another post just for them tomorrow.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Of bubbles, bread, seeds and cookies
One of the characteristics of the dearly remembered housing boom was the sprouting of "McMansions" in former cornfields or alongside golf courses. These were very cool looking homes and we enjoyed touring these during the Parade of Homes, especially those listed at $1 million or more.

It made for an afternoon's diversion and fantasy, but you had to wonder at some of the value represented. A salesperson was showing us around one $750k model townhome and as we were admiring the well-appointed family room the resident in the home that shared a common wall flushed the toilet. We knew this because we could clearly hear the water running through the pipes and the tank refilling. This is not an unusual experience when you live in an apartment or a townhouse, but not a big selling feature if you're going to spend $750k. Other times we'd tour a million dollar home with Ben, who is an experienced carpenter, and watch as he pointed out subtle mistakes in fit and finish. In one case there was painted over evidence of a load-bearing wall not doing it's duty, likely as a result of a problem with the foundation.

I think of these things, and foundations, in the burst residue of the housing and mortgage bubble as the entire economy sags like the wings of a great house falling toward the basement because the center-beam wasn't set as well as you might think. It's the latest demonstration of the Biblical exhortation to build your home on solid rock and not on shifting sand. Of course, the Bible is using the house as a metaphor, as am I. Let's review Matthew 7:24-27:

"Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock.

"But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall."

Doesn't that sound familiar, and in more ways than one? Allow me to extend the metaphor into an analogy: today's economy is the rain, and the effects of it in our lives are the floods, and the wind is the additional adversities that come to challenge our faith and make us doubt what we are standing upon, or whether the rock is enough to save us.

We have to build with storms in mind, an outlook almost completely lacking in the latest run-up as people seemed to assume that storms had become extinct and that those sets of conditions would continue in perpetuity (just as some now assume the current situation is forever). What is the housing bubble, or any bubble, all about but value driven by high expectations rather than intrinsic worth, or the greater fool theory? In those conditions you're not building a foundation on a rock; you're not even building it on sand which can at least be heavy — you're building it on something as flimsy and as easily popped as a bubble. And great is the fall.


Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Poem for "Choice"
I came across this poem in time for "Blogs for Choice Day" today:

Middle-Age
by Pat Schneider

The child you think you don't want
is the one who will make you laugh.
She will break your heart
when she loses the sight in one eye
and tells the doctor she wants to be
an apple tree when she grows up.

It will be this child who forgives you
again and again
for believing you don't want her to be born,
for resisting the rising tide of your body,
for wishing for the red flow of her dismissal.
She will even forgive you for all the breakfasts
you failed to make exceptional.

Someday this child will sit beside you.
When you are old and too tired of war
to want to watch the evening news,
she will tell you stories
like the one about her teenaged brother,
your son, and his friends
taking her out in a canoe when she was
five years old. How they left her alone
on an island in the river
while they jumped off the railroad bridge.


"Middle-Age" by Pat Schneider, from Another River: New and Selected Poems. © Amherst Writers and Artists Press, 2005.


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Telling the temperature by the LRT

Back in the day, when we were closer to the land, people could predict weather or gauge temperature without thermometers or technology by observing the behavior of animals, insects, clouds or clairvoyant joints. We don't rely on natural observation that much anymore, but I have observed one way, in this recent cold-snap, to tell just how cold it is.

There's an electronic alarm bell at the Fort Snelling Light Rail station that clangs at high speed whenever a train is approaching or departing. It's a loud, hyper ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding when temperatures are, say, above 10 degrees. When it drops below 10, however, the bell is muted and lower in pitch and makes a steady ng-ng-ng-ng-ng growl like a chihuahua passing a cheeseball.

When it's below zero, however, its clamor is restricted to a choked and tortured ng...........ng...........ng............ng every few seconds.

Granted, it's not a very useful way to gauge the temperature if you're not near the bell, but it's a handy confirmation if you happen to be walking past it, shivering and wondering if it can really be as cold as it feels. And this gives me the opportunity to run another of O. Winston Link's steam engine photos from the 1950s that I love so much.



Besides being an inventive and talented photographer faithfully recording the images of a passing era, Link also had a passion for recording the distinctive and fading sounds of the old steam engines as well. These recordings are a lot more pleasant and evocative than the sound of a freezing electronic bell these days, and have a way of taking you places in your mind that the trains themselves never could. You can listen to a few of these recordings here. You can also go hear the Fort Snelling LRT bell for yourself without going back in time, but you'll want to bundle up.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Anorex[st]ics Inaneymous #16: Reckless


Guess what!!! I made a beautiful dark chocolate French cake. No, it doesn't have any cheese eating surrender monkeys in it, sorry to disappoint. But it has orange liqueur in it, and it tastes wonderful. It was fun and easy to make. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Ciao for now.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I thought Nick Coleman turned down the Strib's buyout offer...

A poo-flinging monkey is on the loose in Florida.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Look, up in the sky! (#2)

From The Lumberjack:



Files this under:

Games to Play With Your Cat, or

Things That Make Gino Angry, or

Introducing a new sport: Hairball!

Btw, do they still string those racquets with cat-gut?


Wondering Where the Lions Are

I had another dream about lions at the door
They weren't half as frightening as they were before
But I'm thinking about eternity
Some kind of ecstasy got a hold on me...

— Bruce Cockburn, "Wondering Where the Lions Are"

I'm a few minutes from sleep yet, but this song comes to me tonight. It's been some week. On my last post, the one with the picture of a shark flying out of the water, Hayden asked, "Shark Week?" To which I replied, "Yes, and I'm wearing sealskin underwear."

Last Friday I had a meeting with our CEO who told me our business was heading into an interesting week. I'm guessing that most people's jobs, when they get "interesting" probably don't involve the media. My job, however, does and it turned out that two unrelated events were heading our way that the local and even national press would find hard to ignore. Neither were pleasant, and neither were a shock, but it was surprising for them to fall in such proximity to each other. My job as well is two-fold: messages for the media and for our employees — and only one of those two groups enjoys bad news.

One, of course, was layoffs. It was almost a relief for the crew, however, as folks had known it was coming and it had been stressful for many while waiting to find out how bad and how deep, while calculating one's own prospects to stay or go. Even if you were relatively safe it's hard not to ponder what you'd do while hurtling toward the inevitable. It was a sobering week, though our portion of the business was relatively unscathed. Still, we're a small group and even a few losses are felt; no one is nameless or faceless. Even if the cup passes you by it's hard not to think of the individuals and families involved. It does tend to focus you a bit, especially if you think, "What if it had been me?"

Same with riding in a crashing airplane. The news today of a US Airways jet taking off from LaGuardia and ending up in the Hudson River — miraculously without loss of life — is the type of story that you can't help but picture yourself belted in and, again, hurtling toward the inevitable, with only moments to review your decisions, regrets and priorities. Now there's no time to change anything, barely time to pray, and yet how heavy some choices must be as they seem to drag across your mind. "If I get out of this..." you might think. Then what? I thought, this afternoon after reading the news, of the time on that Iowa highway in the winter white-out when I moved to the left and the semi-truck careened through those on the right, taking others but not me. Changes were made, and here I am, the man I am today.

I had another chance. Those on the airplane today have another chance. Those in my office, whether staying or departing, each will have another chance, though it may come to us in different ways. Rather than be scary, or depressing, it becomes stimulating, even after the adrenaline fades and only clarity remains. And then the words of another Bruce Cockburn song come to my, and I can smile.

Don't the hours grow shorter as the days go by
You never get to stop and open your eyes
One day you're waiting for the axe to fall
And next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all
When you're lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time

These fragile bodies of touch and taste
This vibrant skin this hair like lace
Spirits open to the thrust of grace
Never a breath you can afford to waste

When you're lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time
When you're lovers in a dangerous time
Lovers in a dangerous time

When you're lovers in a dangerous time
Sometimes you're made to feel as if your love's a crime
Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
Got to kick at the darkness till it bleeds daylight

When you're lovers in a dangerous time...


We've got some daylight coming to us. It may take awhile, but it's coming. Be ready.



Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Look, up in the sky!



Ok, file this under "How To Tell When You're Having a Bad Day",

or, "We're Going to Need a Bigger Airplane",

or, perhaps, "Natural Laxatives".

Or, "You know what would really be cool? Not just sharks with frickin' lasers, but flying sharks with frickin' lasers!"

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Atlas shrugged, and smiled a knowing smile

I was talking to my sister-in-law the other day and she said her husband, who's been at his job for more than 20 years, has been bumped back to the night shift by someone with even more seniority. "I'm trying to keep a good attitude about it," she said, "because, after all, at least it's a job."

"You're right," I replied. "Jobs are important; only 9 out of 10 Americans have one."

All right, I can be an incorrigible smart ass, especially around family, and that's a trait that has barely mellowed over the years. Even I'll acknowledge, however, the gathering economic storm building overhead as if the country were one large trailer park. My sense is that things are going to get worse before they get better and that this is no mere hiccup but more like a full-on bulimic purge. To keep mixing my metaphors, Dylan once said "You don't have to be a weatherman to know which way the wind blows," and my "forecast" doesn't require a special degree or even a Doppler. In fact, if you'd spent time in college reading "Atlas Shrugged" by Ayn Rand you could probably do the same. As the current winds increase it might be interesting, if not all that helpful at this point, to head for the basement with a copy of her book.

Stephen Moore made a similar point last week in an opinion piece in the Wall Street Journal entitled "Atlas Shrugged: From Fiction to Fact in 52 Years". In it he points out frightening prescience of this all-time classic.

For the uninitiated, the moral of the story is simply this: Politicians invariably respond to crises — that in most cases they themselves created — by spawning new government programs, laws and regulations. These, in turn, generate more havoc and poverty, which inspires the politicians to create more programs . . . and the downward spiral repeats itself until the productive sectors of the economy collapse under the collective weight of taxes and other burdens imposed in the name of fairness, equality and do-goodism.

In the book, these relentless wealth redistributionists and their programs are disparaged as "the looters and their laws." Every new act of government futility and stupidity carries with it a benevolent-sounding title. These include the "Anti-Greed Act" to redistribute income (sounds like Charlie Rangel's promises soak-the-rich tax bill) and the "Equalization of Opportunity Act" to prevent people from starting more than one business (to give other people a chance). My personal favorite, the "Anti Dog-Eat-Dog Act," aims to restrict cut-throat competition between firms and thus slow the wave of business bankruptcies. Why didn't Hank Paulson think of that?

These acts and edicts sound farcical, yes, but no more so than the actual events in Washington, circa 2008. We already have been served up the $700 billion "Emergency Economic Stabilization Act" and the "Auto Industry Financing and Restructuring Act." Now that Barack Obama is in town, he will soon sign into law with great urgency the "American Recovery and Reinvestment Plan." This latest Hail Mary pass will increase the federal budget (which has already expanded by $1.5 trillion in eight years under George Bush) by an additional $1 trillion — in roughly his first 100 days in office.

The current economic strategy is right out of "Atlas Shrugged": The more incompetent you are in business, the more handouts the politicians will bestow on you. That's the justification for the $2 trillion of subsidies doled out already to keep afloat distressed insurance companies, banks, Wall Street investment houses, and auto companies — while standing next in line for their share of the booty are real-estate developers, the steel industry, chemical companies, airlines, ethanol producers, construction firms and even catfish farmers. With each successive bailout to "calm the markets," another trillion of national wealth is subsequently lost. Yet, as "Atlas" grimly foretold, we now treat the incompetent who wreck their companies as victims, while those resourceful business owners who manage to make a profit are portrayed as recipients of illegitimate "windfalls."

I've been thinking about re-reading the book, especially since I'm sure I'll understand it a lot more than I did 30-some years ago, but I'm concerned that I'll get too angry (again) over the treatment of the individual in the story ... and by the creeping sense that there's nothing one can do to keep it from happening in real life. Of course, in the book, one man — the right man — can make a difference.

Ultimately, "Atlas Shrugged" is a celebration of the entrepreneur, the risk taker and the cultivator of wealth through human intellect. Critics dismissed the novel as simple-minded, and even some of Rand's political admirers complained that she lacked compassion. Yet one pertinent warning resounds throughout the book: When profits and wealth and creativity are denigrated in society, they start to disappear — leaving everyone the poorer.

One memorable moment in "Atlas" occurs near the very end, when the economy has been rendered comatose by all the great economic minds in Washington. Finally, and out of desperation, the politicians come to the heroic businessman John Galt (who has resisted their assault on capitalism) and beg him to help them get the economy back on track. The discussion sounds much like what would happen today:

Galt: "You want me to be Economic Dictator?"

Mr. Thompson: "Yes!"

"And you'll obey any order I give?"

"Implicitly!"

"Then start by abolishing all income taxes."

"Oh no!" screamed Mr. Thompson, leaping to his feet. "We couldn't do that . . . How would we pay government employees?"

"Fire your government employees."

"Oh, no!"

Abolishing the income tax. Now that really would be a genuine economic stimulus. But Mr. Obama and the Democrats in Washington want to do the opposite: to raise the income tax "for purposes of fairness" as Barack Obama puts it.

David Kelley, the president of the Atlas Society, which is dedicated to promoting Rand's ideas, explains that "the older the book gets, the more timely its message." He tells me that there are plans to make "Atlas Shrugged" into a major motion picture [A younger Glenn Close would make a dynamite Dagny Taggart, IMHO. NW.] — it is the only classic novel of recent decades that was never made into a movie. "We don't need to make a movie out of the book," Mr. Kelley jokes. "We are living it right now."


Catching the Ghost Train to Hawaii

It's six fargin' degrees below zero as I trundle to the light rail station tonight. I'm bundled up in "Big Blue", my below-the-knee length parka lined with down, thinsulate and cashmere, and a collar that zips up under my nose, and I've got on ear-muffs and a woolen hackers cap from Ireland. Big Blue also has a hood which I seldom use because I think hoods on coats make you look like you're in third grade, or like you're a dork, or a third-grade dork, which may be the dorkiest of all. In this cold, however, I have no shame and I also figure no one can recognize me with the hood pulled up over my cap and ear-muffs and fastened in front of my face anyway.

In this kind of weather I board at the LRT's terminus in the Warehouse District because there's almost always a train waiting there to start its run and it's nicer to wait in the train car rather than waiting for it a couple of blocks farther down the line. Tonight there is a train waiting, but when I try to get on the doors won't open. Then the driver speaks over the PA: "This train is not in service." It looks plenty serviceable to me, especially when it departs — empty — a few moments later. There is no other train in sight at the moment as the lights of the Ghost Train disappear toward the Nicollet Mall where it will no doubt tantalize other commuters before leaving them in the cold as well.

With the train's departure, however, I now have an unobstructed view of the front of a bar called Sneaky Pete's, immediately on the other side of the track. The front of the establishment features large plate glass windows and on one of the windows, positioned immediately under a neon Blue Moon Brewing Co. sign and hard up against the window, is a large flat-screen TV, facing the tracks. No one in the bar could possibly watch this TV, but people outside can. The TV is tuned to The Golf Channel, and it is showing scenes of PGA pros in their short-sleeve golf shirts practicing at Waialea Country Club in Hawaii for this week's Sony Open. I watch slack-jawed, with frost from my moustache thawing and dripping onto my lips, as Anthony Kim and Geoff Ogilvy and others roll puts across a High-Def green that could be called emerald green if emeralds took steroids, and just looking at it makes me wiggle my toes deep inside my mukluks.



Somehow the January wind starts to feel softer and, I swear, I think I can smell coconut oil wafting toward me on it. The angle of my shoulders, until now hunched up against my neck, drops by about six degrees and I loosen the hood and lower the zipper at my neck a couple of inches as I eye a bunker shot from a beautiful white sand hazard. No, wait, it's really a snow bank as the clanging bells of the approaching train take me out of my reverie.

Is it too early to get my clubs down out of the garage attic?

Monday, January 12, 2009

Anorex[st]ics Inaneymous #15: Evolution?


Ciao for now.
Ozymandias Shrugged

Back when Dennis Miller was one of the undefined on Monday Night Football, ABC found it necessary after games to post explanations of the eclectic comedian's erudite references on the MNF website. I was reminded of this after yesterday's Day by Day cartoon featured a lonely statue of Al Gore in a snowy wasteland, with the words etched on the pedestal mostly obscured by snow drifts. Nevertheless, the words that were visible may have rang a bell in a seldom-used hallway of my mind. Ah, yes ... Shelley's "Ozymandius", the sonnet dedicated to the hubris of Man, though Ozymandius's statue was located in a desert waste instead of a snowy one. Oh well, with a high temperature forecast for tomorrow of -2F here in Minnesota, the comic gave me a warm feeling.

Here's the unobscured text of "Ozymandius":

Ozymandias
I met a traveller from an antique land,
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand,
Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command,
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read,
Which yet survive stamped on these lifeless things,
The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;
And on the pedestal these words appear:
'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;
Look on my works. Ye Mighty, and despair!'
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare
The lone and level sands stretch far away.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Reasons for blogging

I think the poem below pretty well sums up why I write — blogging or otherwise. From The Writer's Alamanc today:


VII
I would not have been a poet
except that I have been in love
alive in this mortal world,
or an essayist except that I
have been bewildered and afraid,
or a storyteller had I not heard
stories passing to me through the air,
or a writer at all except
I have been wakeful at night
and words have come to me
out of their deep caves
needing to be remembered.
But on the days I am lucky
or blessed, I am silent.
I go into the one body
that two make in making marriage
that for all our trying, all
our deaf-and-dumb of speech,
has no tongue. Or I give myself
to gravity, light, and air
and am carried back
to solitary work in fields
and woods, where my hands
rest upon a world unnamed,
complete, unanswerable, and final
as our daily bread and meat.
The way of love leads all ways
to life beyond words, silent
and secret. To serve that triumph
I have done all the rest.

"VII" from the poem "1994" by Wendell Berry, from A Timbered Choir: The Sabbath Poems 1979–1997. © Counterpoint, 1998.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Please, don't anyone tell Richard Simmons

While my passion for the NFL and Fantasy Football have waned a bit, my love for golf remains strong and I'm looking forward to warmer weather and being able to play again.

I'll still enjoy it even now that I know it's good for me.

I came across this story the other day about a study that showed some surprising results in the amount of calories a golfer burns over nine holes.

Among the top findings: Given the number of calories burned, it's certainly fine to call golf a sport.

"One of the more interesting things I found was that the actual act of swinging a golf club takes significant energy," said Neil Wolkodoff, director of the Rose Center for Health and Sports Sciences in Denver.

Maybe more energy than many people might think for a motion that takes a grand total of about three seconds.

Wolkodoff found eight male volunteers, ages 26 to 61 with handicaps between two and 17, strapped them into some state-of-the-art equipment and took them out for a few rounds of golf on the hilly front nine of Inverness Golf Club in suburban Denver.
...
Wolkodoff discovered the subjects burned more calories when they walked and carried their clubs (721) than when they rode in a cart (411). When they walked, they traversed about four kilometres, compared to a kilometre when they rode, but the 400 per cent increase corresponded to only a 75 per cent increase in calories burned.

The conclusion was that the act of swinging the golf club could actually be considered good exercise - a theory many on the "not a sport" side of the golf debate have long questioned.

"As far as physical exertion, it's not the same as boxing, but it's definitely more than people thought," Wolkodoff said.

Wolkodoff's golfers played four, nine-hole rounds; one round each of carrying their clubs, pushing a cart, using a caddie and riding a motorized cart. Among the interesting findings was that there is virtually no difference in the number of calories burned when carrying your clubs (721) or using a push-cart (718). I like that since I use a push-cart myself.

"The study shows there's significant energy expenditure in golf, more than bowling and some other sports it's been compared to," Wolkodoff said. "There are a lot of sports that don't have this level of energy expenditure."

Of course, whatever benefit I get is likely offset by whatever I choose to guzzle while "re-hydrating" after a round, but at least now I can see there's a big difference when "grabbing a quick nine" refers to golf holes instead of doughnut holes.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Hey, Mr. Fantasy...

Well, the Vikings are through for the year — only one week later than expected — and I watched 15 1/2 of their games this season. Not a bad percentage for a football fan, I suppose, but what I find somewhat amazing is all the non-Viking games I didn't watch this year.

I used to catch about half of each Sunday night game and most of the Monday night games, while also intently following NFL news via ESPN, Sports Illustrated and several websites. This year I don't think I tuned into a single non-Viking Sunday night game and saw maybe one half of one Monday night game. Meanwhile my Sports Illustrateds would lie around for a couple of weeks before I got to them and I never used my ESPN Insider access.

Time to cue the Invasion of the Body Snatchers music?

"Come on, ref, he was out of bounds!"


Not really. It's just that a little more than a year ago I decided that I was going to "retire" from Fantasy Football after 23 years as an owner and Commissioner. I felt a few mental twinges during the NFL pre-season this year when I felt like there was something I was supposed to be doing, but that wasn't unexpected. Hey, there're still times when late summer/early fall roll around where a certain smell in the air or texture of the earth makes me think I should be at football practice, and that's been more than 30 years!

So, this year, there was no draft to prepare for, no off-season free-agent transactions to review, no clever team name to develop (I came up with a new name every season; my all-time favorite was Weapons of Mass Distraction, though the Rush Limbos was up there as well). The would-be draft week came and went and the NFL season started. The first shock of revelation came to me when I was discussing the season with someone at work and I said that we were only a couple of weeks into the season and it was too soon to panic. To which my friend replied, "Uh, it's week eight." Oopsie.

Weeks 13-16 went by like any other for me this year, though this was typically the fantasy play-off season. Today was the first day back at work after the Christmas/New Year's break and the day I'd usually be collecting outstanding league fees from the slow-payers, or passing out cash to the winners — or looking forward to taking my own winnings down to Best Buy.

And you know what, I don't miss it a bit. It was strange how easily my quest for knowledge regarding rookies, injuries, sleepers, busts and dark horses melted away. I still enjoy watching the game, but most of the games don't interest me enough to re-arrange my life appreciably. Now when I see that some player has scored four touchdowns in one game — or suffered a season-ending injury — I don't exult or scream (if it was one of "my" players) or think of sending a gloating "sympathy" email to my fellow-owner who's starting wide receiver just shot himself in the leg.

Well, maybe I do miss that part a little bit.
It's Back, #14. Entitled: The Purse...Of DOOOOOOM!


Ciao for now.