“Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.”

- Damon Runyon

I came, I bought the books, lived in the dorms, followed directions.
I worked, I studied hard, made lots of friends who had connections.
I crammed, they gave me grades — and may I say not in a fair way.
But more, much more than this, I did it Their Way.

I learned so many things even though I'll never use them.
The courses that I took were all required — I didn't choose them.
You'll find that to survive it's best to play the doctrinaire way
And so I knuckled down and did it Their Way.

Yes, there were times I wondered why I had to cringe when I could fly.
I had my doubts, but after all I clipped my wings and learned to crawl.
I learned to bend, and in the end I did it Their Way.

And now, my fine young friends, now that I am a full professor,
Where once I was oppressed, now I become the cruel oppressor.
With me you'll learn to cope, you'll learn to climb life's golden stairway.
But like me, you'll see the light and do it Their Way.

For what is a man? What can I do? Open your books — read chapter two!
And if it seems a bit routine, don't talk to me — go see the Dean.
They get their way, I get my pay... We do it Their Way!

• When a thing defies physical law, there’s usually politics involved.



• Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.



• The forces of safety are afoot in the land. I, for one, believe it is a conspiracy - a conspiracy of Safety Nazis shouting “Sieg Health” and seeking to trammel freedom, liberty, and large noisy parties. The Safety Nazis advocate gun control, vigorous exercise, and health foods. The result can only be a disarmed, exhausted, and half-starved population ready to acquiesce to dictatorship of some kind.



• Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.



• If you think healthcare is expensive now, just wait until it’s free.



• Bureaucrats want bigger bureaus. Special interests are interested in whatever’s special to them. These two groups bring great pressure to bear upon politicians who have another agenda yet: to cater to the temporary whims and fads of the public and the press.



• Neither conservatives nor humorists believe man is good. But left-wingers do.



• A little Government and a little luck are necessary in life; but only a fool trusts either of them.



• Something is happening to America, not something dangerous but something all too safe. I see it in my lifelong friends. I am a child of the "baby boom", a generation not known for its sane or cautious approach to things. Yet suddenly my peers are giving up drinking, giving up smoking, cutting down on coffee, sugar, and salt. They will not eat red meat and go now to restaurants whose menus have caused me to stand on a chair yelling, "Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottontail, dinner is served!" This from the generation of LSD, Weather Underground, and Altamont Rock Festival! And all in the name of safety! Our nation has withstood many divisions - North and South, black and white, labor and management - but I do not know if the country can survive division into smoking and non-smoking sections.



• Earnestness is just stupidity sent to college.



• To grasp the true meaning of socialism, imagine a world where everything is designed by the post office, even the sleaze.



• The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then gets elected and proves it.



• Politics is the business of getting power and privilege without possessing merit. A politician is anyone who asks individuals to surrender part of their liberty - their power and privilege - to State, Masses, Mankind, Planet Earth, or whatever. This state, those masses, that mankind, and the planet will then be run by ... politicians.



• People with a mission to save the earth want the earth to seem worse than it is so their mission will look more important.



• When a private entity does not produce the desired results, it is (certain body parts excepted) done away with. But a public entity gets bigger.