The Night Writer

Turn around, wise guys

The Night Writer — 2009-06-05T23:06+00:00

Ok, Mitch posted this earlier today but the firewall at work kept me from watching the video, which is just as well because it really wouldn't do for me to be rolling around on the floor with tears streaming from my eyes right now. People might get the wrong idea.

I guarantee that as you watch this, every now and then you'll fall apart.

Honestly, I thought some of the scenes in the video had to have been added somehow because they were so bizarre, but trust me, the only alterations have been to the vocals. (Ninjas? Yes, ninjas!). And the part in there about having to pee? That looks pretty darn authentic, too, based on what I've seen around my house.

If you lived through the 80s you can consider this video your own personal catharsis.

Bringing the Awesome? No, just the Super-Cool

The Night Writer — 2009-05-15T15:05+00:00

HT: The Lumberjack

Breaking News

The Night Writer — 2009-05-06T04:05+00:00

It's the time of the year for interesting rumors to fly as fast and furious as errant footballs. And given that the crashing economy has wrecked a lot of people's retirement plans, some people may be deciding they need to keep working a little longer. Let's go live to the Brett Favre news conference at Nye's Polonnaise in Northeast Minneapolis for the latest update:

Music Video Code by Video Code Zone.

The Emperor's Groove

The Night Writer — 2009-03-30T21:03+00:00

It struck me the other day that the modern Disney classic The Emperor's New Groove, is a stunning forecast of the Obama administration, even though it was released at the dawning of the previous administration in 2000.

Now, I don't blog about politics too much because there are so many better bloggers out there with more fire and deeper insights than I, plus my own belief is that there's really not a nickel's worth of difference between the two major parties' ruling credo of "just win, baby." I am a big movie fan, however, and some of the recent political headlines started dovetailing with the great songs and dialog in the movie. Were the Disney studios eerily prescient in their allegorical (not Al-Gore-ical) forecast of an Obama administration, or did I simply spend too many hours in a car this weekend with too little to occupy my mind? You be the judge.

Submitted for your consideration, the following excerpts with President Obama as Emperor Kuzco, Senator Judd Greg as Pacha, Rahm Emanuel as Kronk and a host of "characters" that Obama has thrown under the bus represented by the emporer's ex-advisor, Yzma.

Kuzco's theme song: This was sung by the great Tom Jones, but the cartoon vocalist with his red-blond afro and over-the-top enthusiasm sounds a lot like Chris Matthews to me. Consider these lyrics (think "Big O" instead of "Kuzco"):

He was born and raised to rule
No one has ever been this cool
In a thousand years of aristocracy
An enigma and a mystery
In Meso American History
The quintessence of perfection that is he

He's the sovereign lord of the nation
He's the hippest dude in creation
He's a hep cat in the emperor's new clothes
Years of such selective breeding
Generations have been leading
To this miracle of life that we all know

What's his name?
Kuzco, Kuzco, Kuzco...

He's the sovereign lord of the nation
He's the hippest cat in creation
He's the alpha, the omega, a to z
And this perfect world will spin
Around his every little whim
'Cause this perfect world begins and ends with him

What's his name?
Kuzco, Kuzco, Kuzco...

Weird, huh? Well how about these lines of dialog (real names inserted for cartoon characters):

Pacha/Judd Gregg: Uh-oh.
Kuzco/Obama: Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.
Pacha/Gregg: Yep.
Kuzco/Obama: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
Pacha/Gregg: Most likely.
Kuzco/Obama: Bring it on.

[after the stock market's fallen into the alligator pit]
Kuzco/Obama: Why do we even have that lever?

Kuzco/Obama: Oh, and by the way, you're fired.
Yzma/Rick Wagoner: Fired? W-W-What do you mean, "fired"?
[Kuzco/Obama snaps his finger and a servant comes in and writes down Wagoner's "pink slip"]
Kuzco/Obama: Um, how else can I say it? "You're being let go." "Your department's being downsized." "You're part of an outplacement." "We're going in a different direction." "We're not picking up your option." Take your pick. I got more.

Kronk/Rahm Emanuel: Hey, it doesn't always have to be about you. This poor little guy's had it rough. Seems a talking llama/talk show host gave him a hard time the other day.

Kuzco/Obama voiceover: This is Carville, the emperor's advisor. Living proof that dinosaurs once roamed the Earth.

[Kuzko/Obama collides with an old man/Jim Cramer while dancing]
Kuzco/Obama: D'oh! You threw off my groove!
Palace Guard/Media: I'm sorry, but you've thrown off the Emperor's groove.
[the old man/Cramer is thrown out of the palace window]
Old Man/Cramer: Sooooorry!

Kuzco/Obama: When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones?
Pacha/Gregg: Well, that's funny. Because I thought that you going into the jungle by yourself, being chased by jaguars, lying to me to take you back to the palace were all really bad ideas.
Kuzco/Obama: Oh, yeah. Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude.

Pacha/Gregg: Why did I risk my life for a selfish brat like you? I was always taught that there was some good in everyone, but, oh, you proved me wrong.
Kuzco/Obama: Oh, boo-hoo. Now I feel really bad. Bad Obama.

Yzma/Rev. Wright: Why, I practically raised him.
Kronk/Emanuel: Yeah, you'd think he would've turned out better.
Yzma/Rev. Wright: Yeah, go figure.

I don't know about you, but right now I'm scrutinizing Monsters vs. Aliens for predictions of the next election.

Special to Mr. D:

The Night Writer — 2009-03-20T18:03+00:00

The Lumberjack (perhaps related to Minnesota's Paul Bunyan) feels bad that Wisconsin is getting heat from Intellectual Property-Purists about co-opting the phrase "Live Like You Mean It" to promote the state (apparently, "Wisconsin: Just Say No" didn't test well with the focus group). Setting aside any easy jokes about using Wisconsin and Intellectual Property in the same sentence, here is a sample of the state's new campaign and a couple of alternatives from our favorite wood-cutter. View them all.

Look, up in the sky! (#2)

The Night Writer — 2009-01-16T19:01+00:00

From The Lumberjack:

Files this under:

Games to Play With Your Cat, or

Things That Make Gino Angry, or

Introducing a new sport: Hairball!

Btw, do they still string those racquets with cat-gut?

Look, up in the sky!

The Night Writer — 2009-01-14T23:01+00:00

Ok, file this under "How To Tell When You're Having a Bad Day",

or, "We're Going to Need a Bigger Airplane",

or, perhaps, "Natural Laxatives".

Or, "You know what would really be cool? Not just sharks with frickin' lasers, but flying sharks with frickin' lasers!"

A proper cup of coffee

The Night Writer — 2008-12-31T12:12+00:00

Brrr. On these cold days we've been having I really appreciate a nice, hot cup of coffee. I will also admit that my coffee tastes have become more refined in my latter years. I actually didn't become a coffee drinker until I was in my 20s and a girlfriend got me started. She also gave me my first gravity filter for brewing coffee, which is still my generally preferred method. Our all-time favorite method is using a French press, but this is for special cups or occasions as it's a bit messier to clean up after — ah, but the taste! There's simply no way to get a richer tasting cup of coffee.

I tend to favor the darker roasts though my wife likes to mix in the lighter roasts as well. The Mall Diva goes for the much lighter blends, or "wienie" roasts as I call them. Nevertheless, we all love "A Proper Cup of Coffee" as performed by Trout Fishing in America in the video below (don't worry, the Abba album is just one of the visuals and not part of the performance).

Enjoy!

The latest blockbuster

The Night Writer — 2008-12-15T15:12+00:00

From Chris Muir's Day By Day web-comic:

Boy, and I thought Keanu Reeves creeped me out.

If you need me, I'll be at Kinko's

The Night Writer — 2008-12-09T16:12+00:00

The total cost of the 2008 bailouts compared to past government programs, via The Lumberjack, with numbers from Boing-Boing:

I've got a couple of hundred dollar bills and I'm going to go get in line for the color copier at Kinko's. Sure, they won't be exactly like the ones the government is printing, but they'll be worth the same. The only question is, can I print enough? Good thing Kinko's is open 24 hours, and they take credit cards!